If there's one thing Jennifer Lopez really wants in her life, it's a healthy and lasting marriage.

Unfortunately, those dreams couldn't come true with Marc Anthony as the couple ultimately divorced after seven years of marriage.

But behind all the headlines, fans of Lopez never got to see what the singer was really feeling and experiencing in real time…until now!

On Wednesday's premiere of the HBO Documentary, Jennifer Lopez: Dance Again, cameras rolled as the "Booty" singer experienced pure "pain" when separating and divorcing from her husband.

"That wasn't my dream. My dream was for us to always be together," she shared with the cameras. "You never want to break up family." 

Jennifer Lopez, HBO

Youtube

The split was extra difficult because her twins, Max and Emme, were traveling with mom during her first world tour making it harder to see dad on a regular basis.

"This is so I can always remember my daddy," Emme explained to the crew while holding her red heart-shaped necklace. "I'm going to be with him. I want to remember him so I bought this heart."

"It hurts me to see them miss him so much," Lopez said while tearing up. "They miss him so much."

For much of the tour, the "On the Floor" crooner had to stay focused on her children and her job at hand. But through all the rehearsals, support from fans and sold-out crowds, Lopez couldn't escape the pain of divorce.

Jennifer Lopez, Marc Anthony

Ethan Miller/Getty Images

"I remember being on the set and being in my dressing room and not feeling like I could get up in the morning and there's just no pain like that. There's no pain or failure like going through a divorce," she explained. "That hope, that dream, that fairytale, with that first time that dream gets blown to pieces, you feel like you're going to die."

She added, "You feel like you failed. You feel like no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make it work."

Despite the heartache and sadness, Lopez couldn't help but suggest bringing Anthony to her final tour stop in Puerto Rico so they could perform "No Me Ames" together. With little hesitation, Anthony agreed leaving fans absolutely thrilled.

"There's still love there and I think that's a big statement for people to see," Lopez explained after singing onstage with her ex. "It says we've moved on and we're healthy….We took this journey and we're better. We survived." 

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