Honestly, we wish visions of sugar plums danced in our heads, because every December we are haunted.
The holiday season is a spooky time! Naughty lists, lumps of coal, made-for-TV movies starring Rob Lowe—when you think, about it there are a lot of yuletide messages of "don't mess up or you'll be wrapped in chains and/or burned."
Sure, there is lots of merriment too, but let's take a moment to recognize the frightening side of these fearful festivities. And please don't take this as an excuse to insult your mother's fruitcake, because a Grim Reaper ghost will probably call you out on it.
1. Jack Frost: Michael Keaton eyebrows + talking, animated snowman = one crazy combo!
2. Abominable Snowman: Yetis, Wampas, anything that's white and fluffy and lives in a snow cave is out to get you and your little red-nosed reindeer too.
3. Your Mom's Fruitcake: Because why lose a filling on candied, chewy mystery fruits and aged cake when Cheesecake Factory is a thing?
4. Mr. Potter: The richest man in Bedford Falls (only for his money, not for his ability at forging friendships) is like the greatest on-screen archenemy of all time. Every comic book villain in history, combined, can't touch this guy.
5. Ghost of Christmas Future: Imagine the Grim Reaper sneaking into your bedroom at 3 a.m. on Christmas so you guys can hang out in a graveyard. Bummerville!
6. Scary Ghost Stories: You know when "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" threatens us with "there'll be scary ghost stories"? Umm, no thanks! Everyone was cool with just playing Apples to Apples, Dad. Why do you have to make everything weird?
7. Heat Miser: This Rankin-Bass character is basically the devil. A fire-based demon that sings "Whatever I touch/ Starts to melt in my clutch." That is HORRIFYING.
8. "Carol of the Bells": Has anyone else noticed this traditional seasonal song sounds like the themes from The Exorcist and Halloween combined? Tinkling instruments are bone-chilling. We'll stick with 'N Sync's "Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays," thankyouverymuch!