Alex Martinez/BravoSo. Much. Drama!!
There's really no other way to explain the seventh season premiere of The Real Housewives of Atlanta, airing this Sunday on Bravo.
Naturally, viewers should expect nothing less, given that the last time we saw the Atlanta crew, Porsha Williams was full body tackling Kenya Moore during the reunion special, after Kenya pulled a bullhorn in her face. (Jaw is still unhinged!) And of course, Phaedra Parks' husband Apollo has been sentenced to eight years in prison, leaving her solo with her two small boys and leading her to pull the plug on their marriage.
Here are six reasons it might be the best season yet…And by "best" we mean a totally horrific trainwreck you cannot stop looking at:
1. The Porsha and Kenya Aftermath: Kenya, in true Kenya form, lets viewers know that she's just gotten back from "traveling the world" (insert eyeroll) and "getting attacked in front of the world" (and another one). But in case the small fact that Porsha ultimately was let go from the cast for season seven isn't a big enough indication, Porsha wants to let us all know: "Will an apology ever come out of Porsha's mouth? No." Hmmm…Bed made, sweetheart. Time to lie in it! The Kenya and Porsha drama is so very wrong, and so very ridiculous, but so VERY ENTERTAINING.
2. Apollo and Phaedra: We expected Apollo's storyline to be….dramatic. What we weren't expecting is how totally heartbreaking it is to watch him deal with Phaedra holing up in a hotel while he awaits his sentencing, after getting convicted on several counts of bank and wire fraud. This storyline is sure to divide viewers, as Apollo feels abandoned in his time of need, but Phaedra feels she needs to shield her babies from the paparazzi. Cut to: A shot of not a single photog outside their Atlanta home. You won't know whether to laugh or cry. Cry-laugh is the word. But the full tears might come when you see what it actually does to a family when the father of two small children gets locked up for an eight-year sentence…
3. NeNe and Weird Sex Stuff: You remember she's doing a guest role in Cirque du Soleil's Zumanity, right? Well, the former stripper isn't quite as courageous as you might think when it comes to taking the stage, and it's pretty intriguing. Also just because…weird sex stuff!
4. Cynthia: NeNe and Cynthia are still not OK, so Cynthia starts warming up to Kenya, in an oddball new friendship we did not see coming. Is it possible that Kenya is a better match? Perhaps, but the whole thing just feels like watching some alternate universe.
5. The Realness: Unlike some of the past episodes of RHOA, there's more of a sense that nothing is forced when it comes to the drama. After all, when you have battery allegations, a Housewife getting demoted, and a Housewife's husband getting sentenced to prison, there isn't much need for the storyboarders to create conflict…It's so there.
And per usual…
6. Watching RHOA will make you feel so much better about your own life, and your own relationships: Let's hear it for uncomplicated friendships and marriages everywhere, friends!
RHOA premieres Sunday night at 8 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family)