TwitterSorry, Nashville—Taylor Swift's all about New York these days.
The 2013 Tennessean of the Year officially became NYC's welcome ambassador yesterday, and whether she's likening Southern hospitality to Northern "coziness", defining "bodega", or singing "Welcome to New York," T.Swift is making it very clear: She loves, loves, loves the city that never sleeps!
Of course, Taylor's move to Manhattan as a wide-eyed twentysomething ready to embark on a journey of self discovery isn't typical. It's magical, yes, and she'll experience a level of glitz and glam all its own, but Taylor's New York experience is missing some of the quintessential, coming-of-age not-so-nice things that make moving to the city gritty—and great.
1. The Hell That Is Trying to Find an Apartment: Tay's got property managers and whatnot to deal with this, but most new-to-New Yorkers are forced to find housing in a sketchier way: Craigslist! They'll discover fairly quickly that there might be a plethora of listings for $1,000-a-month places in the West Village, these only exist in your dreams. When you do wise up/cave in to working with a broker (beware: there are sketchballs and scammers galore, so go with personal referral whenever possible) get ready to pay a broker's fee. This is usually the equivalent of your first month's rent, but it in order to secure the place, you'll have to fork over the broker's fee, first month's rent and last month's rent (aka your security deposit). And unless you've got a trust fund or a pop star salary, you'll probably have to beg mom and dad to agree to co-sign as guarantors.
2. The Tininess That is Your First (and Second, Third....) Apartment: Unlike Taylor, most people will never have a $19.9 million penthouse in Tribeca. As a newbie, you'll probably pay an arm and a leg for a shoebox apartment (try not to think about the fact that if you lived anywhere else, you could lease a three-bedroom house for one month's NYC rent). It might be a sixth floor walk-up (the climb builds your glutes, calves and character) and it certainly won't have the amenities you'd hope for, but you'll make do. Dishwashers are for rich people anyway.
3. Dreadful Roommates: You won't have a guest room for Karlie Kloss or spare nightgowns for Lena Dunham at the ready. Chances are, as a fresh transplant, you'll have at least one live-in roommate who will, despite his or her best intentions, inevitably drive you insane. You'll be guilty of this as well, because any time two adults attempt to co-habitate in a space that's likely smaller than your childhood bedroom, tensions will arise. Pro-tip for life: Clean your freaking hair out of the shower drain—forever and always.
4. Uninvited Roommates: From time to time, these will come in the form of human houseguests. Often, though, you'll have a mouse, cockroach or (God forbid) a bedbug [colony] take up residence. Ridding your residence of these pests is no easy task, and unless you've got country royalties rolling in, you won't be able to slink away to a posh hotel. Oh, and if you're thinking you'll get your own Meredith and Olivia to get the job done, think again: Most landlords put a "No pets" clause in the lease!
5. A Dismal Bank Account: Know how in "Empire State of Mind" how Jay Z raps, "It's a pity, half of y'all won't make it"? That probably has something to do with the cost. You can get a pedicure and fresh flowers pretty cheap, but everything else—going out, staying in, eating, drinking, breathing—will cost you big bucks. You'll learn new ways to scrounge.
6. Subways: Taylor travels by black car with security in tow, but most people make use of the NYC subway system. If you're not being hounded by paparazzi or swarmed by fans, this is a great way to efficiently navigate your way from one place to another, and it's significantly cheaper than catching a taxi (read: Cab too much and you'll be broke in a day). You have to deal with delays, though, and occasionally some interesting and occasionally unsavory people. Just remember, never, ever, ever go into an empty car—like ever.
7. An Inferiority Complex: Swiftie's gone multiplatinum multiple times, so this one's not going to hit her too hard. Everyone else? Most people in New York were the shining stars of hometowns near and far, and despite what Tay's WTNY lyrics say, the lights are so bright and they never will burn you every now and then.
8. Battle Wounds: Summers are hot and winters are cold. Taylor won't likely have to sweat her way through the hot, garbage-scented streets, nor will she plod across unplowed, stale snow. Those who do will have the armpit stains and bruised knees to show for it. She'll get a break from the harsh weather, too, thanks to her busy schedule—when the goin' gets rough, chances are she's already on the road. And if Tay happens to be in New York and not up for braving the elements, it's NBD for her to grab her passport and fly away. Again, that's great for the gal who cooks with Ina Garter, but it's not exactly feasible for those who count Seamless Web as a splurge.
That difference—and making up for it—is what makes New York, New York.