For Stephen Colbert, size does matter. And he wants Google to turn it up to 11.
The Emmy-winning host of Comedy Central's satirical political talk show The Colbert Report was a towering inferno of anger on Wednesday's episode, targeting the company's CEO and co-founder Larry Page in an on-air mock rant. He complained that he discovered, while on the toilet, that the height attributed to him by the search engine giant is incorrect. He threatened legal action if it was not changed...from 5'10" to 5'11". Page has not commented.
"You see, folks, when I Googled myself this afternoon, as I do every day at three sharp—I have a full, fibrous lunch, then, straight into the bathroom, Google myself till I come out—well, folks, I was horrified to learn that the Google celebrity profile of me lists my height as 5'10"," Colbert said.
Colbert, who is also the future host of CBS' The Late Show, noted that he has been 5'11" since he was 14, showing a photo of himself as a teen—an official school picture, taken when he was a student at Porter-Gaud High School in Charleston, South Carolina in the late '70s.
"Larry, I demand a retraction, an investigation, an apology and a substantial cash settlement or I will see your ass in court," Colbert said.
During his mock rant, Colbert also compared himself to Brad Pitt and Russell Crowe, height-wise. He also threw some shade at Matt Damon and Johnny Depp, who Google lists as shorter than he, comparing them to Wizard of Oz munchkins, as well as at notably tall talk show host Conan O'Brien, dubbing him a "circus freak."
Colbert's rant comes almost two weeks after a lawyer representing 12 female celebrities sent a letter to Google's top brass, threatening to sue the company for $100 million over its handling of the search engine's indexing of links to stolen nude and other risqué photographs of the stars, which were distributed in two massive leaks in August and September.
As of Thursday afternoon, a Google still shows Colbert's height to be 5'10". (Although that may change...and could we possible see a Colbert Google Doodle?) The same figure is also displayed by the search engine Bing. Meanwhile, the second major competitor, Yahoo!, displays Colbert's correct height.
On The Colbert Report, Colbert also took his rant a step further.
"All I want is the height I deserve and I fought for every inch and no one, but no one is taking that from me, especially not Larry Page, who, according to Google, is 5'11"," he said. "Oh, oh, OH! What a coincidence. Couldn't stand the competition, huh? Fix it or I will fix you, Page, and yes, that is a physical threat!"
"Oh, but how, how, oh no, oh no, but how could I hurt you? I'm only 5'10"!" he continued. "I could never reach up there!"