Steve Bisciotti , Steven J. Bisciotti

AP Photo/Patrick Semansky

We'll give Baltimore Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti this: He is much better at press conferences than NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. And by that we mean you couldn't quite see the bulls--t as blatantly with Steve as you could with Roger, but it was there nonetheless.

The owner of the Baltimore Ravens called a press conference to talk about the recent ESPN article that claims that not only did Bisciotti, Ravens president Dick Cass and general manager Ozzie Newsome know about the Ray Rice domestic abuse incident hours after it happened, but that they went to great lengths to attempt to cover it up and they allegedly pushed Roger Goodell for leniency regarding their star running back and the horrific video of him hitting his wife so hard she was knocked unconscious.

Minutes before the press conference, the Ravens released a really long statement disputing everything in that article. And then when the media asked questions about the article at the presser, most of the time Bisciotti referred them to the statement instead of answering the question himself. Lest he say something inconsistent with the carefully crafted press release, right?

The press conference was basically an opportunity for Bisciotti to blast ESPN and their "Outside the Lines" report. ESPN has only said this regarding the story: "We stand by our reporting."

And while Bisciotti bobbed and weaved pretty effectively during the presser, he did have a lot of questionable (at best) things to say. Here's the 7 most cringe-worthy statements from the Ravens owner:

1. His lesson/message to players after dealing with this situation: "Be paranoid. Say to yourself, ‘tonight's the night someone's gonna put me in a bad situation. It's really healthy to be paranoid when you're out and about."

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So not: "Don't hit your wife. Don't hit your girlfriend. Don't hit your kids. Don't be a horrible human being?" Got it.

2. On why he kept Ray Rice on the team after the incident first took place: "I'm not that good…I'm not that honorable, I guess." 

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We think it and you say it, Stevie.

3. On if he'll sell the team: "If they force me to sell, I'll sell. I don't work that hard anyway, so if I sold the team it's not like I'd be losing 60 hours a week."

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So you're not honorable, good or hard-working. How do you still have this job?

4. "It did not cross my mind or was a big enough concern to get the [elevator] tape."

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So, at no point during this whole ordeal did you think it was a good idea to see hard evidence regarding a crime your player committed. Does he actually hear himself when these words come out of his mouth? 

5. "Nobody's losing a job here [at the Ravens office]. I'm very confident about that."

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What he's saying is that after this epic mishandling of a very serious situation, nothing will change regarding personnel. The people who were behind said mishandling are sticking around.

6. "The majority of the sources [from the ESPN report] are people that work for Ray. Almost everything in there is anonymous, but it's clear from the subject matter that it's Ray's attorney, it's Ray's agent, it's Ray's friends."

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Which translates to: "Everyone is lying except for us!"

7.  On Ray Rice's future with the team as a non-player: "I believe in my heart that Ray would be a great addition to us when it comes to trying to steer these guys, young men to grown men."

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You read that right. Ray Rice might be in charge of helping mold young players.

See you guys for the next press conference that stars an NFL higher-up doing everything but answering questions. Because after countless statements and two pressers, we still have no idea what the hell happened after the elevator incident.

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