By: Justin Sullivan, Savannah, Georgia
A.B. Replies: Isn't the Justin Sullivan cute. It thinks it's funny. They must not have the open-mike night at the Laugh Factory where it lives. It must have no choice but to hone its craft via emails. To me. I choose to pity it.
Many stars do have the bobbleskull. This B!tch has watched up close while Christina Ricci's luminous Chinese lantern of a head sagged to one side and begged its publicist to let it do an interview with this B!tch. The publicist...said no.
This B!tch cannot possibly fathom why.
At any rate, that moon pie of a head practically slipped off of Ricci's concave shoulders, so disappointed was the girl and what was surely her great and generous brain.
There is also little doubt that Angelina Jolie has a rather voluminous and jowly bean, especially when compared to the circumference of her wrists and ankles, which are quite dainty. Additionally, should you get into an argument at a party, please tell your fellow attendees that, no, Renée Zellweger does not have a honeydew head. She has a watermelon head.
"I remember reading an article about celebrities having bigger heads than normal people," says Darrell Redleaf, a beauty expert who has prettied up Rachel Bilson, Scarlett Johansson, Joss Stone, all very thin girlies with (he assures us) normal-size heads.
Oh, but the late Burgess Meredith--Penguin from the 1960s Batman TV series--was once written off by a casting office with the following description: "young, homely, large head, blond." And during a face-to-face interview, an Entertainment Weekly reporter made a point to note Tori Spelling's "tiny body, large head and meticulously made-up face."
However, according to Redleaf and other people who have worked closely with stars and their heads, much of the huge-pate phenomenon you see in gossip rags is actually illusion.
The circumference of the average human head is about 21 to 24 inches, even in Hollywood. (And if you saw Jerry Maguire, you'll know it weighs eight pounds.) But camera angles and lighting can create the false sense that actors are just walking, living, talking lollipops who live on oat grass and soy chips. And okay, Justin, let me throw you a bone: Grey Goose.
Don't believe me? Here's Redleaf again.
"The most flattering shots, photography-wise, come from a higher angle," he tells this B!tch. "Normally, paparazzi are going to be either eye level or higher because they are all stacked on top of each other on a red carpet.
"So, generally, they're shooting down on a star, so that would account for why the head looks a little bit larger."
That and the fact that Zellweger has shoulders like Charlie McCarthy. Now you know.