It's not even Halloween yet and…wait. Scratch that. It's not even the month of October yet and we already have to start talking about Christmas. This is the reality, people, so just gird your loins for the Holiday shopping season.
And to get the frenzy really whipped up, Toys "R" Us has released their official list of the toys that your children will most likely be begging and pleading Santa for to the point of tears. Now you have ample time to get them all instead of waiting until the last minute and turning your life into a Jingle All the Way situation. Remember that movie? Classic Arnold.
Anyway, here are the top 15 holiday items that Toys "R" Us insists are must-haves, and they know this because, to quote their website: "Our toy experts travel the world over, visiting every toy mecca from Novato to the North Pole. Thousands of ideas and sketches…hundreds of inventors…countless hours of testing each toy each toy to make sure it's as fun as it can be!"
And unsurprisingly, a Frozen-themed toy made their list:
1. Disney Frozen Snow Glow Elsa
Let it glow, parents, and keep the Frozen fever going well into 2015 and probably for the rest of eternity.
2. Doc McStuffins Get Better Talking Mobile
What is a Doc McStuffins? Besides the coolest porn star name ever?
3. FurReal Friends Get Up and Go Go My Walkin' Pup
Fur real, why a puppy and not a kitten?! Pet hate crime.
4. Hot Wheels Street Hawk Remote Control Flying Car
For comparison's sake, here is a Hot Wheels toy from 1994. Times have changed.
5. Imaginext Battle Rover
This toy sounds violent. Better just add another Frozen doll to your list.
When we were their age...we just used books to learn ourselves words and numbers real good.
7. Lego Fusion Town Master
So parents can have more tiny Lego pieces to step on as they walk around the house barefoot.
8. Little Live Pets Bird Cage Love Birds Double Pack
Because you never want to get your children actual birds. Those things chirp nonstop.
9. Max Tow Truck
"Kids, let me teach you about responsbility and the repo man..."
10. Mutant Mania Mutant Masher
Stop. Don't you know kids hate alliteration?
11. Skylanders Trap Team
We'd be more excited about this toy if they were called Skydancers.
12. Transformers Stomp & Chomp Grimlock
Thanks, Michael Bay!
13. Zoomer Dino (Onyx)
This toy is actually terrifying and will give us nightmares tonight. Why does it have wheels on its feet like the creepy roller-dudes from Return to Oz?!
14. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Stretch 'N' Shout Leonardo
Thanks again, Michael Bay! And of course this thing is going to shout. Your child is going to be stretching it like some sort of medieval torture czar!
15. Charmazing Color Me Up! Heart Collection
We hate this simply because of the word play.
There you have it, parents. Your early Christmas present shopping list. You have three months. May God have mercy on your soul.