by Lauren Piester | Mon., Aug. 4, 2014 11:12 PM
Apparently, other things were on TV tonight aside from Bachelor in Paradise. We are sitting here in shock and disbelief, but we're fairly sure our DVR would never lie to us. Under the Dome revealed a few fairly murderous secrets while Teen Wolf battled a deadly virus and also standardized testing. The Fosters visited some old friends, and the ladies of Orange County figured out where Bali is. Join us as we relive all the non-Bachelor fun!
Under the Dome: Well, RIP Sam. While he and Barbie investigated the tunnel leading from Angie's locker, they got trapped and ended up at the top of a cliff. After revealing that he was the one who killed Angie with the hope that it would help defeat the dome, Sam jumped off of the cliff.
Meanwhile, Junior, Norrie, Melanie, and Joe somehow summoned Julia's egg out of the lake, and the egg conjured up a building made of stars. Yeah, we don't know either.
Teen Wolf: Remember that movie Contagion? We didn't actually see it for the same reason we kinda wish we hadn't seen tonight's Teen Wolf. It was not a bad episode by any means, but we're already scared enough of Ebola and we still haven't gotten over being terrified of the plague, so we really didn't need to add "scary werewolf-killing virus" to that list.
As if anyone needed any other reasons to hate standardized tests, tonight's assassin had the job of proctoring the PSAT, and got everyone sick with the ink used for fingerprinting. Scott, Kira, and Malia were all scarily close to death, hiding away in the Hale vault while the school was quarantined, thanks to the quick thinking of Lydia's mom.
Meanwhile, Melissa, Deaton, and Derek were dealing with the same virus at the hospital, learning from Braeden that it was designed to kill werewolves but just make humans sick for a while. At the school, Stiles came face-to-gun with the assassin himself, and was saved at the last minute by Scott's dad, who had come with a message from Derek: the cure could be found in a jar of mushroom tea in the Hale vault. Conveniently, that was exactly where Scott, Kira, and Malia happened to be dying, so Scott smashed the jar and everyone was saved, again.
Sad news, however, when Malia saw the name "Malia Hale" on the deadpool list, and was so unhappy about it that she stormed off, leaving poor Stiles behind.
ABC FAMILY/Kelsey McNeal
The Fosters: Callie took a little visit back to Girls United, where things were not going well. A new girl named Dev was causing serious drama in the house, doing drugs and manipulating Cole. Becca was struggling with having reunited with her mother, and a neighbor was trying to rally other neighbors together to get Girls United kicked out, so making a good impression on the neighborhood's community day was super important. Things really went bad, however, when the house caught on fire. Luckily, everyone seemed to get out safely, but a fire is still not going to help their case in the neighborhood.
Real Housewives of Orange County: Last week, the ladies made the somewhat questionable decision of taking a trip to Bali together, despite the fact that they're all currently struggling to get along. Vikki was terrified that there might not be internet in Bali, even though there are so many satellites in the universe. Everyone seemed to be under the impression that Bali was some sort of heavenly paradise as opposed to an actual place where people actually live, so they were shocked to find houses and businesses and families riding vespas.
Dinner involved eating moose and wearing strange beaded crowns handed out by Heather. There was kayaking with cocktails, there was puking in the back of vans, they all got scared of a dog, and everyone gossiped and screamed while riding elephants, while the elephants were playing harmonicas. Then, the ladies had it out about how no one came to Lizzie's birthday. Basically, it was the best Orange County episode we've ever seen, or could have ever dreamed of.
So what did you watch tonight? Who do you think that darn Benefactor is? Is Sam really dead, or are there a bunch of pillows at the bottom of that cliff? Was that a great episode of Orange County or what? Sound off in the comments!
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