Nick Bateman Instagram


In case you don't remember from its tiny mention in Napoleon Dynamite, a bo staff is "basically a big ol' stick" used as "a kickass weapon" according to a very reliable source (hint: it's Urban Dictionary). In case you needed any other reason to think bo staffing is cool as fuh, we present to you: Nick Bateman

Bateman, beyond simply being a god amongst men, is a professional bo staffer, giving the sport way more street cred than it's ever had in the past. Or at least in our books. We may not have even heard of bo staffing if it weren't for Mr. Bateman. 

Now, we recognize the idea of a sexy bo staffer may present with it some ideas for inappropriate jokes. Let's keep all the "I wanna bo your staff" jokes to ourselves for now and get on with it. We know you just want to look at him.

Here he is "feeling rusty" at his sport. His words, not ours...Because as long as he's shirtless, it's all the same to us.

Here he is in a suit, pondering why he turned down the role of Christian Grey. We're wondering the same.

He gets haircuts just like the rest of us. Bonus: He's secure enough in his manhood to blow-dry his hair.

Glasses somehow make him look even steamier. He's probably never been called Four Eyes in his life.

He's educated, so he'll be perfect to bring home to the parents.

He doesn't care what you think about his underwear choices, he'll do as he pleases. Live your life, Nicky. (Can we call you Nicky?)

He can grill. We can totally see us hosting dinner parties together.

He's a hunter-gatherer. *swoon*

He loves animals. We love animals. Game over.

He has a tiny li'l dog named Joey. We want him as our own ("him" being Joey the dog...but also Nick the man).

He's "struggled" with body image, too, you guys. And a real bad set of highlights.

His friends are fiiine. Translation: Your bridal party is about to be the best looking group of people on the planet.

One time he ran into Jonah Hill. Poor Jonah. This isn't even fair.

He loves his mom. Can you even imagine having your offspring look this good?

(Picturing ourselves sitting in the passenger seat.)

Oh, did we mention Nick Bateman is also a model? Try not to flock to his Instagram all at once, you guys.

The thirst is real.

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