Beef Bandits

Thank goodness all they left behind was a trail of peppers!

Three men, two of whom were naked while another wore only his boxer-briefs, burglarized a restaurant in southwest Florida in the wee hours Sunday morning, making off with 60 hamburgers, three pounds of bacon, three red peppers and a paddleboard (well, where else were they going to put all that stuff?), according to what police told Fort Myers' News-Press.

No one was hurt and, happily for the rest of the world, the apparent crime was captured on security video—although family-friendly TV stations and newspapers are only going with full-length grabs of the guy wearing underwear, of course.

"They left a trail like Hansel and Gretel," Shelly Isom, a waitress at Doc's Beach House, the restaurant burgled of its beef, told the News-Press. "One of them probably said after, 'Uh, guys, where did we leave our clothes?'"

Well, they had lost those by the time they got to Doc's, having showed up in their various states of undress. At one point the security footage reportedly shows one of the guys trying to angle a camera away from him, unaware that another camera was taking it all in.

"These two want to meet the bandits," Doc's VP amd general manager Lou Bangert told the paper, jokingly referring to a couple of waitresses next to him. "Everybody wants to work the night shift now."

"When I saw the security footage, I said, 'How is this guy not wearing any clothes?'" Bangert said. "Then I said, 'Wait, it's not just one. There's three naked. That's what makes this funny."

At no point did the guys try to break into the cash register, instead intent only on raiding the kitchen.

And we're going to have to agree with the assessment put forth by Kevin Nobis, the manager of Bonita Jetski and Parasail, which partners with Doc's and is also asking for help in finding the thieves via social media and local neighborhood efforts.

I just think it was college-age kids who may have been drinking," Nobis said. "The guys look like they are in good shape. They look like athletes. But it's hard to tell if they are tourists or locals."

Has anyone checked the local fraternities?

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