Bachelorette, Andi Dorfman


We're getting down to the wire now, Bachelorette fans, and $#!t's about to get real. Promos showed lots of crying, and lots of disagreement between head and heart, and lots of island getaway-ing in the Dominican Republic. We're about to actually respond to those Bachelor casting calls just for the free vacations, with the potential true love as a bonus. Anyway, onto the recap!

First up, Nick (ugh). They flew in a helicopter to a private island and stripped down to their swimsuits. The camera zoomed in on his bod, and we gagged a little. They cuddled in the ocean, and we gagged some more. He read her a fairy tale about their "love story," and we threw up in our mouths a little. When Andi gushed about how she could see him being a good father, we had to leave the room for a minute because we just could not handle how much we can't stand him or his creepy smile.

And that's all. They definitely didn't go to the fantasy suite and make out on the couch just inside the door, and Nick definitely wasn't wearing obnoxious pink pants. That didn't happen at all. Nope. 

Josh's Dominican Republic date involved shopping and…baseball, because that is Josh's thing. Josh is fine and all, but we sincerely hope he has some sort of identity other than "former pro baseball player." We also hope he has some other profession*, and some other dream for his life if baseball isn't his life's calling. We also hope that if they end up together, he and Andi can find other things to do that do not always involve baseball, because you cannot base your entire future on what you used to do.

(* We looked it up. He works in financial services, so at least he is employed.)

Anywho, they bought an aphrodisiac (for the man who needs some help) from a cart, and later played baseball with some adorable children. We can totally see Josh being a dad. Can you imagine Nick playing baseball with a bunch of children? No, you cannot, because Nick would not do that. We'd have another "salty" Parisian mime situation on our hands, and no one wants a salty Parisian mime for a father.

Josh and Andi had a super romantic dinner, during which they discussed the potential of children. Josh told Andi he loved her. Honestly, these two make a great couple. They look like a couple. They watched some fireworks and cuddled, and we were ok with it this time. As they went off to Fantasy-Suite it up, we were not disgusted, so points for Josh. 

Chris's date involved horseback riding, which is really not Andi's thing, so she did a lot of squealing. She later told Chris that his family was her favorite, and we totally agree. Then they played Ghosts in the Graveyard, because they are adults. Chris was really looking forward to their nighttime date, without the horses to distract them.

Andi and Chris had an absolutely necessary conversation about their completely opposite lifestyles. She loves his family and cares for him, but living as an Iowa farmer's wife isn't really what she wants. She knows that he can't give up farming, though he says he's willing to make sacrifices. She breaks down and says the truth is that she doesn't see a foundation in their relationship, which we can kind of see.

She doesn't think it's fair to make him wait for a rose ceremony, instead of just telling him their connection isn't there. She feels like an idiot for not being totally in love with him, because on paper, he's perfect.He takes this well enough, and even comforts her while she's the one essentially sending him home. He didn't see it coming, and all we want to do is give him a big hug and hop on that tractor with him and ride off into the sunset. 

Andi later talked to the other Chris about the Chris whose heart she just broke. She then talked about Nick and Josh, and if she describes Nick as "passionate" one more time, we will literally throw up. Despite the fact that there are only two guys left, Andi still wanted to have a rose ceremony, because this is a "two-way street." She said this is the most important rose yet, for some reason. Surprise: she gave them both roses, and surprise: they both accepted them.

What will happen in two weeks? Who will she choose?? Will he propose, or will he just tell her he likes her a lot but mostly they should just be friends? Should Andi throw all tradition out the window and propose herself? Will she drop both Josh and Nick and go back to Marquel or Marcus or JJ (the pantsapreneur)? We shall have to wait and see. 

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