Morgan Freeman

Frazer Harrison/Getty Images for AFI

Remember when the Internet tried to kill Morgan Freeman?

A new report about the sonorous Oscar winner retiring is no laughing matter, either. But happily, stories about Freeman's desire to stop acting have proven to be as true as the death hoax.

"To once again paraphrase Mark Twain, the news of my retirement is greatly exaggerated," the still ubiquitous 76-year-old actor said in a statement released by his rep to E! News.

"I have no intention of retiring now or any time in the next several decades."

Now there's some news!

Freeman and his publicist were inspired to set the record straight this time around after the Globe published a story headlined, "Ailing Freedman Calling It Quits," and purporting to detail his need to quit acting, due to chronic pain and a wish to enjoy his golden years in peace.

"It's the fibromyalgia," the tabloid quotes a 2012 interview Freeman gave to Esquire. "Up and down the arm. That's where it gets so bad. Excruciating."

But that was then, and since appearing in The Dark Knight Rises that year, he has been in six other movies, including this year's Transcendence; has lined up six more; and continues to host Science Channel's Through the Worm Hole and lend his voice to Visa commercials.

Morgan Freeman

Jamie McCarthy/Getty Images

Who else needs a nap just thinking about his schedule?

Regarding the reiteration of Twain's famous quote, Freeman joked in 2012 in response to the random death hoax, "Like Mark Twain, I keep reading that I have died. I hope those stories are not true...but if they are, I'm happy to report that my afterlife seems identical to my life when I was alive."

He gave a similarly witty explanation for why he appeared to be dozing off during a broadcast interview last May while promoting Now You See Me.

"I wasn't actually sleeping," Freeman offered. "I'm a beta tester for Google Eyelids. I was merely updating my Facebook page."

What will he be required to come up with next?

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