Sorry, Jennifer Lawrence and Taylor Swift. You are no longer at the top of our "dream best friends" list. But please don't be mad. We still love you. Never leave us!
But alas, you two have been knocked out of the No. 1 spot because Avengers: Age of Ultron (henceforth known as Avengers 2 so we don't have to type out that entire title) is finally hitting theaters after what seemed like a nine-month press tour, and we would give up both our legs to hang out this cast. Yes, we'd be legless, but we'd be happy!
Since we haven't been this obsessed with a collection of stars since the cast of X-Men: Days of Future Past, here is our ode to the Avengers cast and their high hangout factor. We're also writing this because we hope that Joss will see this and fly us out to spend a day with the entire cast and maybe arrange for us to have a background role in Avengers: Infinity Wars or cast us as a new superhero that has badass powers and saves the day and then has a love scene with Hawkeye and Thor, no pressure, we're just spitballing.
But anyway.
What would we do if we got the chance to assemble with the Avengers cast? Glad you asked:
1. Mark Ruffalo, Paparazzi
He did an amazing job when he took over our Instagram, so we know he can handle taking photos, and we bet he always turns his phone sideways to take videos like humans are supposed to! When he's around, he can document every moment of our Avengers hangout session. Also he's total science bros with Robert, and we want to witness the bro magic. The "bragic," if you will.
2. Cobie Smulders, HIMYM Venter
Cobie Smulders is hot and damn talented and full disclosure: We think she'll have the most big screen success out of the How I Met Your Mother gang. So not only is she just a cool chick to be around, but we can talk about the finale of How I Met Your Mother and really get some stuff off our chest. Like, how in the "Time Travelers" episode is Barney wearing a wedding ring 20 years into the future? Did he marry someone after divorcing Robin? We need answers, Cobie! And also, how are you that pretty?
3. Robert Downey Jr., Snarker
We could sit in a corner all day with RDJ and just snark on everyone and anyone. Sure, it would be exhausting keeping up with his quips, but we would enjoy every second of it.
4. Chris Hemsworth, Muscle Gropee and Accent Avenger
Don't judge us for treating Chris like a piece of meat. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and we are going to feel his arm muscles, damn it! But we're also going to talk to him, because we know he's more than just a dreamboat. We want to hear his thoughts on politics, art, the latest development in...fine, we're only talking to him so we can hear his accent. Get off our back.
5. Scarlett Johansson, Holding Her Own
Poor, ScarJo. Wait, she hates being called that. Don't tell her we wrote that. Oh, we can backspace. Crap, it's too late! No going back now. Anyway, Scarlett was the only woman constantly surrounded by men in the first Avengers, so we know she has amazing stories about those dudes. Plus, we know she can hold her own among the other heroes, so please teach us your ways, Scarlett.
6. Samuel L. Jackson, Cool Presence
We will automatically look cooler just standing near him. So we'll just spend a couple hours tracking his whereabouts so we can nonchalantly lean up against a wall in his vicinity and try and look casual. Mark Ruffalo will take some photos. Done.
7. Jeremy Renner, Butt Star/Karaoke Captain
The real star of the first Avengers was Hawkeye's butt in that uniform. So we want to make sure that stays the same in Avengers 2. We're all about consistency. Look for our names in the credits as "Mr. Renner's Butt Consistency Checker." Also known as "doing God's work." And when night falls, we can hit up the closest karaoke joint and all sing "Piano Man" together. No, wait. Let's sing "Pour Some Sugar on Me." Better yet: "The Sign" by Ace of Base. Yeah, let's do that one.
8. Chris Evans, Brooding Hottie
We know Chris Evans has a lot more going on inside that head besides "Throw shield, flex, repeat." What makes you tick, Chris? How often do you and Chris Hemsworth get together and have a hot Chris-off? Is it more than twice a day? Please say it's more than twice a day.
9. Elizabeth Olsen, Cool Girl Lessons/Full House Informant
Elizabeth Olsen just seems like a really cool chick, so the first thing we would want from her are lessons on how to pull that off. Should we get a hat? Start doing a trademark walk? See, we need help. Then, and we're not proud of this, we would pump her for info about Full House behind the scenes info and if her sisters will be part of Fuller House at all.
10. Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Newbie Noob
Since he's a new addition to the Marvel universe, we'd love to talk about his experience so we can prepare for the moment when we finally join the Marvel universe. Remember we said Joss would get us a job as a new superhero or at least a background extra? Aaron could be our mentor when they journey begins.
11. Joss Whedon, Joss Whedon-er
There is not enough Internet space to hold all the reasons why we just want to spend one day with Mr. Whedon. He doesn't even have to talk to us, we just want to be near him. We just want to breathe the same air as him or just press our face against his. Before the restraining order kicks in, no doubt.
See? We've got our one day of Avengers hang all figured out.
Who is your favorite Avenger? And what would you do if you could spend one day with the cast? Keep it clean, folks. Or not. We're not judging anyone here.