Let's hope Debra Opri at least got some frequent flier miles and beach time for her trouble.
The lawyer representing Larry Birkhead in his paternity suit against Anna Nicole Smith flew to the Bahamas over the weekend to interview the TrimSpa pusher. But come Monday, Smith was MIA for her scheduled deposition, claiming she was never properly served with the lawsuit.
Her trip for naught, Opri issued a statement lashing out at Smith, saying the model was "legally obligated to appear" and her reason for being a no-show was "blatantly false," claims which Howard K. Stern has adamantly denied.
"Accordingly, Mr. Birkhead will now use her non-appearance as grounds to strike her challenge to the California court jurisdiction," Opri said. "Her statement is a clear message to U.S. courts and to law-abiding citizens everywhere that she is above the law.
"This is a tragedy of a natural father, Larry Birkhead, who is being deprived of the bonding process of a father and his daughter."
Make that alleged daughter.
Birkhead filed the paternity suit against Smith earlier this month, after her lawyer-turned-paramour Howard K. Stern appeared on Larry King Live and said that he, not Birkhead, was the father of Smith's three-month-old daughter, Dannielynn Hope.
Smith, 38, was served with papers in the Bahamas Oct. 2, the same day the petition was filed in Los Angeles Superior Court. If Birkhead's paternity is confirmed, he could receive visitation or custody rights and possibly money for child support.
A hearing scheduled earlier this month to determine whether a court order would be issued for Smith and her daughter to return to California and submit to paternity testing was postponed until this Thursday. But Birkhead, a former paparazzo, and Opri have been making their case to the media. At a press conference three weeks ago, Opri asked, "Where is this woman's decency?"
Last week, Smith issued a statement saying she had no intention of ever submitting to a paternity test, a sentiment she made evident earlier this month when she listed Stern's name on her daughter's birth certificate.
"She has made it clear, she will never submit to a paternity test—a simple procedure lasting three seconds where a licensed doctor takes some saliva from the child's mouth with a Q-tip," Opri said. "It is non-invasive and non-intrusive. It is legal."
Stern, meanwhile, has lashed out not only at Birkhead's claims of paternity, but the motives behind them.
"You really have to question the motives of Larry Birkhead and Debra Opri, his self-proclaimed 'celebrity lawyer' and 'media analyst,' " Stern said in a statement to <i>Extra</i>. "I would love to know how much money Larry Birkhead has made licensing photos of Anna Nicole since the death of her son Daniel, because this nonsense about depositions that were supposed to have taken place today is nothing more than a publicity stunt."
It's an interesting line for Stern to take, considering Smith herself has been widely criticized for selling the last photos of her son Daniel to celebrity weeklies just days after the 20-year-old's death.
The behavior was even questioned by Michael Scott, Smith's original lawyer in the Bahamas, who bailed after butting heads with Smith and Stern over strategy. He was particularly irked that the couple seemed too concerned with touting their own relationship to arrange a funeral for Daniel, who died three days after Dannielynn's birth.
Meanwhile, one of Smith's new Bahamian lawyers, Wayne Munroe, told the Associated Press Monday that Birkhead should file his case in the Bahamas because Smith is a permanent resident and Calfornia courts have no jurisdiction.
"If anyone is to be inconvenienced, let [Birkhead] be inconvenienced and bring this action here," Munroe said.
For her part, Smith has never acknowledged being involved with Birkhead. But the 38-year-old photographer and Smith had been linked in the tabloids as early as last summer up through the time she announced her pregnancy in June, and he maintains they conceived the child in Smith's California home.
Despite appearances to the contrary, Opri claims that Birkhead had no desire to have the suit play out so publicly, claiming that all attempts by her client to resolve the matter privately had been shot down by the former Playmate.
"Mr. Birkhead has offered on numerous occasions to resolve this paternity issue privately. Ms. Smith has refused. Mr. Stern, who has no legal standing regarding this matter, has refused. Mr. Birkhead's offer is now off the table.
"As concerns the ongoing exploitation of my client's child with the sale of photographs and interviews, all we will say is, it is a shameless, despicable act."
As for the demonizing rhetoric, Opri isn't the only one who can dish it out.
"California courts don't just order paternity tests for every Tom, Dick or 'Larry' that comes along," Stern said in his statement. "Ms. Opri might be better served spending a few minutes in front of a legal book, instead of calling for press conferences and spouting off to the media."
As it is, Smith may be heading back to California after all—court order or not.
According to People magazine, Smith received a letter on Friday, the day after she buried her son, instructing her to move out of her Bahamian residence by Oct. 31.
The letter was delivered on behalf of developer G. Ben Thompson, who owns the New Providence property in which Smith, Stern & Co. have been staying since arriving in Nassau in August and which provided the pretext for her to establish legal residency there. Thompson claims he bought the $1 million house as a favor to Smith, a friend, who in turn was due to sign a mortgage to buy the house back from him. She has yet to do so.
"She said it was a gift," Thompson told the magazine. "I never said that. I don't have that kind of money. I don't want to embarass her or humiliate Anna. I just need my money, or collateral, back."
Thompson said that if Smith has not left the premises or made plans to pay him back by Oct. 31, he will pursue a formal eviction. And with her homeowner status in doubt so too could be Smith's residency.
Another of her local legal eagles, Ron Rale, refused to confirm whether Smith had received the letter, though he did take the opportunity to try to get a little sympathy for her.
"If that's the case," he told People, "it's amazing the sequence of events that poor Anna Nicole has had to endure, the one bright light being Dannielynn."