Tori Spelling is understandably conflicted after learning that Dean McDermott cheated on her while he was away from home. In a preview clip from Lifetime's True Tori premiere, the actress drives to visit the Chopped Canada host in rehab for the first time since he sought treatment for sex addiction.

"I don't know what I'm going to say to him today," Spelling confesses. "I don't know what to expect, to be honest. I know it's going to be hard and at the same time I feel really excited to see him. I feel like that's the wrong thing to say. I feel like it makes me sound weak, but it's been really hard and I miss him."

McDermott, 47, announced in January that he was seeking professional counseling. At the time, he also publicly apologized for the "mistakes" he made the caused his family "pain." His absence meant that Spelling, 40, would temporarily be the primary caretaker for their children: Liam, 7, Stella, 5, Hattie, 2, and Finn, 20 months.

"I miss having my best friend," the Mystery Girls star tearfully admits. "I miss having that support, that person that's your go-to in life. And now it's just stripped from me. I had it for seven years and it was just gone one day. And I go on. I go on every single day as best I can."

"I don't want to cry when I get there because I don't want him...," an emotional Spelling says, her voice trailing off. "I want to be strong."

True Tori premieres tonight at 10 p.m. on Lifetime.

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