by Jenna Mullins | Wed., Apr. 2, 2014 1:59 PM
Don't just go to prom. Arrive at prom.
If you don't have a prom dress yet, we are here to help. And if you don't have a date either, we can help with that, too. But at a later time. It's perfectly acceptable to get a dress before you get a date, because, ladies, the coolest prom date ever is yourself. Especially if you put out for you.
Gross joke. Sorry. But anyway, the prom dress is undoubtedly one of the most important articles of clothing you'll ever own, so you gotta go big. Sure, you can buy a beautiful but boring princess style dress that shimmers and has a beautiful tulle skirt. Or you can get a neon green dress that's long in the back, short in the front and has ruffles, sequins and leopard print! That dress exists, and it's amazing.
Stand out at prom! Don't blend in, because blending in is laaame. Be an individual; an individual who has a dress that's actually insulting to the public because of its ugliness. And if you do want to find the most hideous, most horrifying, most disgustingly awesome dresses, we've rounded up the best of the best. These dresses are actual assaults on your eyeballs, and we love them.
So get ready to show mom your dream dress, and please do send us a Vine or Instagram of her reaction when you break the news to her that you'll be wearing something that looks like a rainbow cupcake on acid. We've also named the dresses in case someone at prom says to you: "What the hell are you wearing?!" And then you can say: "The Hot Pink Butt Waterfall. Oh, you've never heard of it?! Wow, you're so very démodé."
1. The Mullet Wedding Dress (brace yourselves, there are a lot of mullet dresses ahead).
2. The Mosquito Net
3. The Dancing With the Stars Mullet
4. The At Least It's a Pretty Color
5. The Not Really Pants Pant Suit
6. The Pintrest Paint Spill
7. The Why Not Combine Mullets and Ruffles?
8. The Katy Perry
9. The Hot Pink Butt Waterfall
10. The Doctor's Office Meadow Painting
11. The Rainbow Cheetah Loofah
12. The I Couldn't Decide on a Color So I Wore Them All
13. The There's a Multi-Colored Cockroach Hugging My Stomach
14. The I Love Flowers So Much, You Guys!
15. The Whoops, My Skirt Got Caught in an Escalator
16. The Marigold Is Not for Everyone, But It Is for Me!
17. The Guess What I'm Hiding Under Here Wait I'll Tell You It's 17 Kittens
18. The Unholy Stained Glass
19. The Zebra Print Is Only Acceptable in Pink
20. The I Took the Best Parts of '80s Fashion and Put Them in One Dress
21. The Holy Crap That's a Bright Green
22. The Shower Curtain From Your First Apartment
23. The Holy Crap That's an Even Brighter Green
24. The This Dress Is Scratching My Skin Off
25. The Slutty Tutu
26. The One Day I'll Make My Kids Wear This to Their Prom as an Awful Punishment
27. The Yellow and Zebra Print, Together at Last
28. The Nope
Have fun at prom, guys! Stay safe and remember: Dance like no one's watching. (But everybody is).
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