Vogue's cover story on Kim Kardashian and Kanye West (excerpted on their website) reads like a high school creative writing assignment, where the writer (Hamish Bowles) wrote everything out, then went back and used right-click Microsoft Word Thesaurus to make it sound fancy.
The good news: He's not going to get flagged for plagiarism on turnitin.com.
The bad news: What does any of this mean?! We wouldn't blame you if, after reading the profile, you find yourself confused. Maybe not North West at a photoshoot confused (see: above), but confused nonetheless.
So we have translated the text for you. Enjoy: