Lindsay Lohan has a lot of feelings. Like, a loooooot of feelings.
The first episode of her new docu-series, Lindsay, premiered last night on OWN, and there was a lot of talk of inner peace and new chapters and being in control and how things don't affect her anymore.
Spoiler alert: She was affected. She was affected a lot.
(Sidebar: Even though her life is an emotional effing roller coaster, the premiere was still kind of...boring? Which may be why it only got "so-so" ratings, according to The Hollywood Reporter. The episode attracted 693,000 viewers, down from Oprah Winfrey's interview with Lindsay but up in the women 18-34 demographic.)
Anyway, here is everything that made Lindsay sad in the first episode:
When she realized how much crap she owns.
Seriously, this girl owns more stuff that anyone we have ever seen.
When she got a new driver who wasn't Steven:
When her mom didn't understand that "fetch" is a Mean Girls reference:
Whatever, Dina Lohan. We're getting cheese fries.
When she read her rehab diary from 2010:
When she remembered that she got robbed by the Bling Ring:
Or as Emma Watson as her Bling Ring character would say, "rawhbed."
Alexis Neiers was sad about this too (via archive footage):
When she remembered being put in solitary in jail:
She still feels like "they" were punishing her. Imagine that! Jail as a punishment.
When she couldn't go to her AA meeting because of the paparazzi:
When she was supposed to be filming a lingerie commercial but would prefer not to be part of that scene of models running into an apartment:
She says her sister is the model in the family. (There can only be one.)
And felt like she had been lied to about what she was supposed to be doing in this lingerie commercial in the first place:
(OK, serious question: Does this logic make sense to anyone?)
(Another serious question: You ever seen a blurred-out butt on a lingerie model? It's a weird sight.)
More of the same:
More of the same:
More of the same:
More of the same:
This is when the exact f--king thing she didn't want to happen, happened.
And when her real estate broker was acting lackadaisical:
There were moments when Lindsay Lohan was happy too. Like...
When she saw Oprah Winfrey:
When someone told her they actually liked The Canyons:
When she wore a crown:
When she wore glasses:
When she went to a fashion show:
That turned out to be her sister, the model in the family's fashion show!
And when her sister said "Hi" to her:
Tune in next week to see what Lindsay Lohan feels!