North West, Kanye West, Kim Kardashian


Kanye West is going "kid-friendly." 

Kind of. Maybe? On Late Night, ‘Ye said his daughter, North West, has inspired him to create "artistic, intellectual, kid-friendly songs." Then he said something about nudity on European TV and Quentin Tarantino and we got a bit confused. 

But kid-friendly Kanye West music could be fun and interesting (and different: His recent remix of Beyoncé's "Drunk in Love" talked about getting someone's mouth pregnant. No bueno for his toddler demographic!) So we're remixing some of our favorite Kanye songs to make them suitable for the diaper crowd. 

We were inspired by this "N----s in Paris" remix from the kids...

...and went from there!

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For the much younger audience (infant to pre-K), these lyrics will resonate:

"Jesus Walks"

You know what the Midwest is?

Young & Restless

Where restless (N----S) might snatch your necklace

And next these (N----S) might jack your Lexus

Somebody tell these (N----S) who Kanye West is 

Becomes a bedtime lullaby...

You know when naptime is?

Young and restless

Where restless (BABIES) will sleep with blankies

And next these (BABIES) might suck a binky

Somebody tell these (BABIES) who Kanye West be

[Just because they're babies doesn't mean they shouldn't know who Kanye West is.]

"Gold Digger"

She take my money when I'm in need

Yeah she's a trifling friend indeed

Oh she's a gold digger way over town

That digs on me

Becomes an ode to mom (mom in this case is Kim Kardashian, just FYI)...

She gives me snacks when I'm hungry

Yeah she's a wonderful mom indeed

Oh she's my mommy all day long

She loves on me

As North grows older, she'll want more mature music, that isn't all about mommy.

"The New Workout Plan": 

It's a party tonight and ooh she's so excited

Tell me who's invited: you, your friends and my d------ck

What's scary to me is Henny makes girls look like Halle Berry to me

So excuse me miss, I forgot your name

Thank you, God bless you, good night I came.

Becomes an anthem about a pirate-themed b'day party!

There's a party today and ooh she's so excited

Tell me who's invited: you, your mom and a piiiiiirate

What's yummy to me is birthday cake always tastes so sugary

Now I got to go, gift bag is cool

Thank you, God bless you, see you in school.

Argggggh, hope ye' hard a great time at the party, North!


The system broken, the school's closed, the prison's open

We ain't got nothing to lose motherf--ker we rollin',

Huh? motherf--ker we rollin'

With some light skinned girls and some Kelly Rowland's

In this white man's world we the ones chosen

So goodnight cruel world I'll see you in the mornin',

Huh? I see you in the mornin'

Becomes a song about snow days! Everybody loves snow days!

It's Christmas season, the school's closed, the snow fallin'

We ain't got nothing to do, surprise snow days are ballin'

Huh? Surprise snow days are ballin'

No class to learn about the country Poland

In this white winter we the ones chosen

Hope I get another snow day t'morrow mornin',

Huh? Snow day tomorrow mornin'

This easily could have been a song from Frozen, don't you think?

Can't wait to hear the new music, ‘Ye! Hopefully it's better than ours! Because we are horrible rappers!

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