Kevin Winter/Getty ImagesIf we can't tell how Taylor Swift is enjoying an awards show, then what's the point of all this?!
Usually, the cameras love to zero in on the singer every chance they get, even if what's happening on the stage has nothing to do with her. Basically, we never have to wonder how Taylor feels about everything that's going on, because there is always a shot of her after a big moment to tell us. And at the very least, we get a cut to her after she loses (like last night) in her category.
But whoever was in charge of making sure the cameras were on Taylor throughout the 2014 Golden Globes really fell down on their job. And if you try and tell us that there isn't a person solely responsible for that, then go back and sit on your throne of lies, you lying liar who lies. So now it's up to us to build a mental picture of Taylor's reactions to all of the big moments from last night's Golden Globes. Yep, we're assuming, and you know what happens when you assume? That's right, you make only correct guesses:
1. During Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's hilarious opening monologue, particularly the George Clooney Gravity joke:
2. During Jacqueline Bisset's incredibly long and somewhat uncomfortable acceptance speech:
3. After Tina's Leonardo DiCaprio-vagina joke:
4. When Emma Thompson came onstage with a martini and sans shoes like a boss:
5. When she realized halfway during the show that it's been way too long since we've seen or heard from Tina and Amy:
6. Amy Poehler finally (finally!) winning for her role as Leslie Knope and Parks and Recreation:
7. Amy Poehler making out with Bono before going onstage to accept her much deserved, long-overdue trophy (can you tell how excited we are for Amy?):
8. When Bono wouldn't give Diddy a hug (devastating):
9. When they tried to play off Bryan Cranston with music because you do not play off Heisenberg! Shut that down and let him speak!
10. When Tina told Amy there was still a special place in hell for her, obviously referencing Taylor's comment about the hosts last year:
11. When she lost to U2 for Best Original Song:
12. When Jared Leto started talking about women (and men) getting waxed:
14. Any time she spotted Idris Elba:
15. When Tina Fey's "son," Randy, took the stage and Taylor thought he was kind of hot and maybe they would make a cute couple:
Memo to award show producers: Free Taylor Swift's face! You're going to make her feel like you don't love her anymore. Stop that.