Ron Antonelli/Bloomberg via Getty ImagesFor all those headed to the Super Bowl at MetLife stadium this coming February, we hope you're not preparing to partake in one of America's greatest pastimes. Nope, we're not talking about actually watching the game. We're talking about the great art of tailgating.
The Super Bowl committee CEO Al Kelly announced today that tailgating would not be allowed in the parking lot before the big game.
"You will be allowed to have food in your car and have drink in your car. And provided you're in the boundaries of a single parking space, you'll be able to eat or drink right next to your car," Kelly said. "However, you're not going to be able to take out a lounge chair, you're not going to be able to take out a grill, and you're not going to be able to take up more than one parking space. And it'll all be watched very carefully."
Clearly, this is the worst. But we are here to offer ways to work around those rules, and Miley Cyrus is here to help us. Why Miley? Why not?
1. Group Hang: Super Bowl tickets are pricey, so this one is a stretch. But try and gather as many friends as possible to go the game, and that way you can all park next to each other and combine your one allotted parking spaces into at least five. They can't stop a group hang if you keep it tight and within your lines!
2. Cry: Burst into tears and then say something like: "But sir, Peyton won't know that he has my support unless I'm nine bratwursts deep before opening kickoff!" Who can stay mad at that?
3. Steal a Cart, Drive Into Stadium: Security is probably keeping those carts unprotected because they'll be so busy making sure no one's grill dare touch another person's grill, so just snatch one up and haul your crew inside the stadium. There is nothing in the rules about tailgating inside MetLife.
4. Get Done Up: Security will be watching very carefully, huh? Well, if you're all dolled up and oozing sex appeal, they won't notice that your table full of seven-layer-dips goes over the line of your designated parking space. Of course, this one is an issue considering Feburary in New Jersey means lots of layers and parkas, and it's hard to be sexy in a puffy down coat, but we think you can make it work.
5. Get Into a Fight: You will be escorted into stadium jail, and that might have more room for you to tailgate. Or you'll be kicked out of the parking lot, but that's a risk you're going to have to take in order to get the freedom to play cornhole (or bean bags, depending on where you grew up).
6. Stay Home: No one can tell you what to do in your own basement/living room/front yard. Unless you live with your parents, in which case we need to find more Miley Cyrus GIFs to talk about that situation.