by Jenna Mullins | Mon., Dec. 9, 2013 12:09 PM
Justin Bieber is on his "I'm not a boy, not yet a man" media tour to promote his new movie Believe (yes, he made another one), where he talked about how he's still growing up yet he's still a 19-year-old boy. But after reading the lyrics off his the new songs he's recently released, we have a lot questions. Most of them are basically: How old do you think you are, Justin?
There are a lot of sexual phrases being tossed around, and it's making us a tad uncomfortable. But we shouldn't expect anything less from someone who more often than not is shirtless and sporting pants that droop down to his knees. Anyway, here are the lyrics from Justin's new songs that leave us with some burning questions:
"Heartbreaker": "Oh girl I got a secret place that we can go/ 'Cause I really wanna be alone/ Baby nobody else gotta know/ Just meet me later on the low"
Our Question: Does J.B. know what "on the low" really means?
"All That Matters": What's a king bed without a queen/There ain't no "I" in team
Our Question: If this "team" is about sex, does Justin know that there most certainly is a way to just be solo? … We're talking about masturbation.
"Hold Tight": Holding back the faces I would make/I'm a fan and you're the rock star
Our Question: Are you talking about holding back orgasm faces, Justin? That's how you pop a blood vessel in your eye, akin to holding back a sneeze.
"Recovery": "Sayin' nothing gets you nowhere fast"
Our Question: Don't you think you should rethink this strategy? If you say nothing, you don't get into situations like this. Also, stop peeing in buckets.
"Bad Day": It was a bad day/Now I'm like whoa
Our Question: Justin, can't you try to remember that your "bad day" is nothing compared to the year Amanda Bynes has had? You're "like whoa" and she's "like I just threw my bong out the window. Allegedly."
"All Bad": Ooh, you know females/And how they like to run their mouths
Our Question: How dare you?
"Change Me": "Don't fight fire with fire/ If I'm screaming, talk quieter"
Our Question: How can you hear us say things like "stop with the shirtless selfies" when you're screaming and we're talking quietly?
"Roller Coaster": "For a minute we were up, but the next we were falling down/ Bounce"
Our Question: Don't you know you are toying with death if you're bouncing around in a roller coaster? You'll kill us all in a Final Destination 3-esque blood bath!
"PYD": "From the door to the wall/ Coffee table, girl, get ready I'm a put you down/ All the way down/ From the stove to the counter top/ Dining room table, are you ready?"
Our Question: Is your coffee table strong enough to support your 100-pound frame plus whatever girl you are currently "putting down"? These are things you have to ask yourself before bringing someone home, J.B.
"Confident": "Then she started dancing, sexual romancing/ Nasty but she fancy, lipstick on my satin sheets/ What's your nationality? I wonder if there's more of you"
Our Question: How did you manage to travel the globe and still not know that there is almost certainly more than one of her nationality in the world? This must be before he got to Brazil…
We have lots more questions for Justin Bieber, but that's perhaps for another time. We're exhausted from all the cringing we did while researching these lyrics.
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our US edition?
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our Canadian edition?
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our UK edition?
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our Australian edition?
Dieser Inhalt ist für internationale Besucher verfügbar. Möchtest du ihn in der deutschen Version anschauen?
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our German edition?
Une version adaptée de ce contenu est disponible pour notre public international. Souhaitez-vous voir ça dans notre édition française ?
This content is available customized for our international audience. Would you like to view this in our French edition?