We love dinosaurs. Like, a lot. But not like that. We want Jurassic Park to be real. We want a pet T-rex to walk around on a leash. We love dinosaurs. We do not want to make love to dinosaurs.
That same sentiment does not apply to everyone.
Christie Sims and Alara Branwen are two authors who have garnered lots of attention lately for their "monster sex" erotica. Mainly, woman getting it on with dinosaurs. But they're not limited to the prehistoric period, they also have stories of women having sex with weretigers, ogres, dragons, whatever.
Christie describes herself as "plain old, everyday Midwestern girl that lives a normal life" with "lusty thoughts of big, strong, powerful monsters having their way with beautiful maidens." Which is exactly what each of the 20-ish page stories is, all of which retail on Amazon for $2.99.
Take, for example, Taken at the Dinosaur Museum, about a down-on-her-luck gal named Kate who finds a new job as a night watchperson at a dinosaur natural history museum. "Things there are normal and quiet...until all of the dinosaurs come alive!"
Or Taken by the Pterodactyl, about Dianne, who is a shepherd literally taken by a pterodactyl and brought back to its nest. We'll let the book description take it from here: "She fully expects to be eaten by the massive beast, but when it starts to peck her clothes away, leaving her naked, she begins to understand that the pterodactyl might have another, more deviant use for the young virgin. But can Dianne accommodate such a massive creature?"
OH.
Group Think live blogged reading Taken by the Tricerpatops and Jezebel excerpted one of the stories, In the Velociraptor's Nest, on their site. Read, if you so choose (but remember, you cannot unread it).
A reptilian tongue, stiff and hot, dashed out to lick at the tender, naked flesh so suddenly exposed. Azog gasped at the touch, then gradually relaxed as her body warmed to the intoxicating sensation of the beast's flesh against her own.
She wasn't sure if her sudden arousal was because of her earlier thwarted climax in the cool stream, or if she was just desperate for one last pleasant sensation before being torn limb from limb by the great, scaly beast. Either way, Azog relished the rasp of its tongue, hot and rough, on her sensitive skin.
The most surprising thing about the stories isn't that they exist (of course, they exist. Everything exists in the trash bag that is the Internet), but that they have...good reviews? One five-star review calls it "a heartfelt tale of Jurassic proportions."
Another says, "I really liked the story. I liked the fact that it actually had a story unlike others that are labeled erotica which just have sex and that's it. I liked getting to know the characters."
Oh. OK.
They all agree: This isn't your mother's erotica.
Which is true, your mother's erotica is Fifty Shades of Grey. It may be your grandma's erotica too. And that started as fan fiction of a girl having sex with a dead dude ("vampire"). So, to each their own? To us, sex with a dinosaur just seems like it would hurt. Then again, T-rexes do have those tiny, gentle hands...