Washington DC, Capitol Hill, Protesters


The government has officially shut down. If you need a quick refresher on why the government shut down, here is our easy-to-read, step-by-step, glitz Grande Supreme-winning guide.

"They actually did it. A group of Republicans in the House just forced a government shutdown over Obamacare instead of passing a real budget," President Barack Obama tweeted late last night. "We're better than this." 

People are mad. People are scared. People are confused. Mostly, people are just really, really confused. Here are nine things that do not happen when the government shuts down:

Obama Is No Longer Our President

President Obama is still our president and will remain so until 2016.

You Don't Have to Go to Work

The only people who do not need to go to work are nonessential government employees who have been furloughed. If you're unsure if you are a nonessential government employee or not, you probably are not. Everyone else needs to go to work still. The same goes for school. Please go to school. Please learn.

You Don't Have to Pay Rent

You still need to pay your rent (and taxes, too). And today is the first of the month, so make sure you do so.

Weed Is Legal

If you live in Colorado or Washington, yes, weed is legal. If you live anywhere else, it is still illegal.

Gay Marriage Is Legal

If you live in CaliforniaConnecticutDelawareIowaMaineMarylandMassachusettsMinnesotaNew HampshireNew YorkRhode IslandVermont or Washington, yes, same-sex marriage is legal. If you live anywhere else, it is still illegal.

You Can Loot Now

You may not loot, pillage, etc. That is stealing. Stealing is still illegal.

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You Can't Get Arrested

Police officers will continue to work during the government shutdown and they will arrest you. Do not commit federal crimes. Do not twerk on police cars.

Russia Is Going to Invade the U.S.

Military personnel will continue to work (and be paid!) during the government shutdown. Russia will (probably) not invade the U.S.

Everyone Is Going to Die

While shutting down the government would be a very impressive viral marketing campaign, we are not living in The Purge. There will be no anarchy. There will be no murder. At least not more than usual. And c'mon, that movie didn't even make sense, anyway.

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