2013 ESPY Awards: Jon Hamm Jokes Around, Michelle Obama Honors Robin Roberts, Jay Pharoah Mocks Jay-Z

Plus, the top athletes and athletic performances are honored at L.A.'s Nokia Theater by ESPN

By Natalie Finn Jul 18, 2013 3:52 AMTags
Jon Hamm, ESPY Awards 2013Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images for ESPY

LeBron James, Michael Phelps, Maria Sharapova, Adrian Peterson and...Jon Hamm?

Sure, why not?!

The biggest stars in sports—and quite a few Hollywood luminaries, including the Mad Men star, who deftly handled hosting duty—were out in force Wednesday night at the 2013 ESPY Awards.

James, who rocked a red tuxedo, and a no-show Serena Williams were named Best Male and Female Athlete of the Year, the Miami Heat was named Best Team and Phelps won Best Record-Breaking Performance for becoming the most-decorated Olympian of all time at last year's London Games.

"I'm more female than athlete," joked Best Female Athlete presenter Jason Sudeikis, who assured copresenter Paula Patton that his fiancée, Olivia Wilde, was fine with that.

"She's made out with more chicks than I have," he quipped.

The unofficial MVP of the night, however, was Hamm, whose opening monologue scored hit after hit with jokes about all the guys in the room wearing sunglasses (so many), Manti Te'o's fake girlfriend and Dwight Howard finally finding a way to help the Lakers win.

By leaving, get it?

One of the evening's stranger moments came when Hamm introduced Jay-Z, who added "sports agent" to his CV this year, to the stage—but out came Saturday Night Live's Jay Pharoah instead. And Pharoah proceeded to deliver his entire speech as Jay-Z.

"Los Angeles, what up, what up? It's H.O.V.A.," he began. "Let me tell you, I want to be your agent, aight? You all know I made 17 albums, opened a chain of nightclubs, started a clothing line, married the most beautiful famous woman in the whole world. And you probably thought to yourself, I bet Jay-Z's got tons of free time to worry about my career.

"You're probably thinking, I mean, he doesn't know what it's like to be a professional athlete. All he knows about is hip-hop, girls, cars and money. In other words, I know exactly what it's like to be a professional athlete!"

"Now," he continued, "one question my clients have is, can they meet Beyoncé? Look, I understand, you're my client. You're part of my family. We're bonded for life. And no, you cannot meet my wife. That's mine!"

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images for ESPY

LeBron also presented Good Morning America cohost Robin Roberts, who successfully fought off cancer and then had to battle a life-threatening blood disease caused by radiation treatment, with the night's Arthur Ashe Courage Award—but not before first lady Michelle Obama stopped by (via video) to offer her congratulations. (Tom Cruise also narrated a montage about Roberts' career, which first took off at ESPN.)

"Robin has inspired all of us with her courage and tenacity as she overcame a life-threatening illness not once, but twice," said Obama, who has had quite an award-show presence this year. "And she has also touched so many of us with her warmth and her compassion. See, the beautiful thing about Robin is, that she treates everyone she meets with such deep respect and kindness, from her producers to her crew to people like me, even more on the other side of her tough questions. Robin, congratulations, I can't think of anyone more deserving of this award, love you much."

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images for ESPY

"At this moment I am filled with such gratitude," Roberts said. "Thanks to Mrs. Obama for her warm words and to LeBron for graciously adding to this honor. My mama was from Akron, Ohio, and she loved her some King James and she's smiling down on us right now."

Boston-bred Ben Affleck was there to present the Jimmy V Perseverance Award to brothers Dick and Rick Hoyt of Massachusetts, knowing on the sporting circuit as Team Hoyt.

They are the very reason such honors were created: Rick has cerebral palsy and he competes with the help of Dick, who during triathlons (including the vicious Ironman) pulls his brother in a special boat when they swim, carries him in a special seat in front of his bike during the cycling portion and pushes him in a wheelchair during the running leg.

All-stars, the lot of them.

Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images for ESPY

Here's the complete list of winners from the 2013 ESPY Awards:

• Best Male Athlete: LeBron James
• Best Female Athlete: Serena Williams
• Best Team: Miami Heat
Best Record-Breaking Performance: Michael Phelps, 22 Olympic medals
Best Game: Heat vs. Spurs, NBA Finals Game 6
Best Comeback: Adrian Peterspn, Minnesota Vikings
Best Breakthrough Athlete: Colin Kaepernick, San Francisco 49ers
• Best Championship Performance: LeBron James, NBA Finals MVP
• Best Upset: Florida Gulf Coast over Georgetown, Men's NCAA Basketball
• Best Moment: Jack Hoffman, Touchdown run in Nebrasksa spring game
• Best Play: Jadeveon Clowney's hit on Michigan's Vincent Smith 
• Best NFL Player: Adrian Peterson, Minnesota Vikings
• Best NBA Player: LeBron James, Miami Heat
• Best MLB Player: Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers
• Best NHL Player: Sidney Crosby, Pittsburgh Penguins
• Best WNBA Player: Candace Parker, Los Angeles Sparks
• Best MLS Player: Thierry Henry, New York Red Bulls
• Best Driver: Ryan Hunter-Reay
 Best Coach/Manager: Rick Pitino, University of Louisville
 Best Fighter: Floyd Mayweather
• Best Bowler: Pete Weber
• Best Jockey: Joel Rosario
• Best Male U.S. Olympian: Michael Phelps, Swimming
• Best Female U.S. Olympian: Missy Franklin, Swimming
• Best International Athlete: Usain Bolt
• Best Male Golfer: Tiger Woods
• Best Female Golfer: Stacey Lewis
• Best Male Tennis Player: Novak Djokovic
• Best Female Tennis Player: Serena Williams
• Best Male College Athlete: Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M Football
• Best Female College Athlete: Brittney Griner
• Best Male Athlete With a Disability: Jeremy campbell
• Best Female Athlete With a Disability: Jessica Long
• Best Male Action Sports Athlete: Nyjah Huston
• Best Female Action Sports Athlete: Stephanie Gilmore