If you haven’t seen "Cabin Fever," tonight’s episode of Lost, then please wait here outside, cop a squat on a rock and spend what seems like an eternity unwrapping a candy bar and sharing it with the dude next to you.
But if you did watch, then congratulations—you are a chosen one! Get on in here...
What We Learned
Claire Is Dead...?! How else would you explain her chillin' like a calm and cool villain alongside Daddy Dearest Christian in Uncle Jacob's cabin? That, my dear friends, was the craziest reveal of the night! And since Claire-Bot seemed totally unfazed by the fact that her reason for living, her darling baby son Aaron, was on another part of the Island while intruders were on their way to kill everyone on it, we can only assume that either Christian is that convincing, Claire is that dead, and/or...Wait a minute...Maybe that's not even Claire? Crazy theory: What if Jacob and his posse of Island souls are just renting out the bodies of the recently deceased as if they were new releases from Blockbuster?
One thing is certain: The producers have totally intentionally made Claire's dead-or-alive status open for raucous debate among us fans. (Feel free to do so in the comments below.) Here's hoping we don't have to wait until the O6ers return in season six to get a definitive answer!
More Fuel to the Fire:
Claire: "I'm a bit wobbly, but, uh, I'll live."
Miles: "Well, I wouldn't be too sure about that." (!!!)
—Excerpt from "The Shape of Things to Come" that makes me think Miles is wicked smart and wicked creepy
"We Have to Move the Island": Right! Perfect. And how exactly does one do that, Locke? Do you just call up 1-800-Storage and ask them for a big crate to park on the curb that you can put it in? Or how about a double-wide truck? Or maybe just pull up the anchor? All I know is moving's a be-yotch and this can't be easy! But it would certainly help Ben in his ploy to keep the Island hidden from Señor Widmore...Who seems to have a clear Dharma connection, thanks to the logo we saw on the manual in the Freighter tonight.
Dear Old Bio-Dad: We learned from the opening scene that Miss Emily was six months pregnant by a guy twice her age when a car wreck brought on early labor. On the night of Locke's birth, she told her mom she was in love with the baby daddy. Forty-odd years later, in a previous Locke-back, she told John he was a virgin birth. A few years after that, John learned his bio-dad was a kidney-stealing con man named Anthony Cooper. Kevin Tighe and Swoosie Kurtz, who play Locke's bio-parents, were both born in 1944. (Terry O'Quinn was born in 1952.) Was does all this add up to? Not sure, other than there's something we're supposed to glean from that first scene, but I'm not altogether sure that the numbers are the key. (For once!)
That Candy Bar Scene Was the Longest 45 Seconds in Television History! OK, let me get this straight, Darlton: You needed an extra hour for the season finale, but you managed to spend half of the final 90 seconds of tonight's episode on Hurley's hankering for chewy-gooey goodness and willingness to share it with his buddy Ben!? That's just cruel and unusual punishment, especially after a huge reveal like possibly dead Claire! Hurley, sweetie, next time, pop a freaking breath mint in four seconds and let us get back to what's happening inside Cabin Crazytown!
Dept. of Pointless Questions: Did Keamy really think Sayid was going to tell him the identity and location of everyone on the Island just so he could kill them all? Is there any chance he's got a good ulterior motive? Naaah...
Speaking of Keamy: Our guy Damon Lindelof said at Comic-Con last summer, "If the violence stays intense, it will at least be perpetrated by catastrophically good-looking people." I think he was predicting the arrival of Keamy! That guy is deep-fried evil, and he must die horribly for what he did to Alex, but in the meantime, well, he's certainly a well-muscled young man, isn't he? If you're wondering about that thing strapped to his arm, clearly, it's a device that will do no good (detonator?), but my musically inclined friends tell me it also looks like a guitar tuner. Maybe he just wants to get back to Lost Island to sing the Losties a little ditty! (Yeah, probably not.)
Desmond's Destiny: I truly hope Desmond never does have to go back to that Island, especially since his Penny is coming for him, but I suspect his sojourn as a prisoner of the South Pacific is not yet over. Poor Des. Poor Penny. Too many Christmases apart for those two. So sad!
Locke's High School: Locke's high school sports teams were the Knights. I think that our boys and girls are definitely acting as knights of the Island, but I have to wonder: Who is the king they serve? Because Locke acts like he might be the one, but I'm not convinced he asked Christian the right question ("How do we save the Island?"), just as he did not pick the right objects when he was six. I think the ever-seeking Island has not yet necessarily found its once and future king...
The "Special" Kids: Didn't that scene with Richard Alpert and six-year-old Locke remind you of the SD-6 recruitment tactics back on our beloved Alias? What are the chances that Sydney Bristow is the chosen one who will come and save the island? J.J., make it happen! Meanwhile, the Richard Alpert thing is trés freaky-deeky. Either he truly doesn't age (I want that moisturizer) or he is teleporting. Thoughts?
Also Freaktastic: Locke drew the smoke monster when he was six, and was a fan of Geronimo Jackson (Hurley's favorite Hatch band) as a teen (which we know from the poster in his locker). Damn, I love this show!
What Lies Ahead
I'm Talking to Darlton in the Morning! So please send me any questions you have for them to email@example.com. I've promised not to badger them about spoilery type matters. (Who, moi? Never!) But clearly, there is much, much to discuss about what's going on with this crazy show, so sit tight. The interview will be posting soon. In the meantime, because I'm talking to them, I'm going to be on my best behavior in this section (sorry)...Post your theories and musings below!
—Additional reporting by Jennifer Godwin