Between flexing his obliques and sharpening his teeth on gold medals, it's amazing Ryan Lochte found time to shoot a reality show for E! I guess all those years of keeping up with the Kardashians were training the network for the blistering-fast dial-up modem speed of Lochte's world. The series promises to reveal the complex mind behind the glazed-over stare, a mind so raw and clay-like it even invented its own language.

But is the world ready to decipher the key to Lochte? I'm not sure they are. 

Lochte Jeah Chart

The world did the same thing to Michael Jackson when they first heard him say "Shamone." Must be the price of genius ahead of its time. 

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