Whambulance Wednesday Soup

Can you remember back to the days when you had to physically look up the number of your Swarovski crystal bathtub-attendant to complain that a certain je ne sais quois about the water pressure had brought about a winter malaise?

We get it. Even our weekly scroll through our comments section leaves us completely dehydrated and craving those little toasted sesame doughnuts that take three treacherous days to ship from Avignon. So yes, we understand how baiting, or clicking on a link that leads to a full story, can push anyone (with an incessant stabbing sensation in their pointer finger) far beyond their limits.

Whambulance links

Dear Eric,

Please allow your delicate limbs to rest while we address to your accusation in regard to link baiting. Before the induction of our web site, we'd fasten a hunk of raw steak to a giant hook outside of E! and let our fans (mostly wolves) follow it, overactive salivary glands exposed, into our lobby where we'd finally razzle-dazzle them with Rebecca Black's live performance of Friday. Nowadays, that's called "dinner theater," and has very little to do with your comment.

We did, however, find your criticism puzzling since, compared to clicking on a link, posting a comment requires much more time, energy, and ultimately way more fingers. Are we to believe that if we threw you a surprise party, you'd complain about the energy expended just by opening the door? Because we're here Eric. We're hiding under your desk right now, Eric…watching the way you react every time we call your carpals into action:

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