The Grammy nominations came out last night! And they're pretty boring! But we're going to analyze them anyway, because the Grammys told us this is good music, so it must be good music. Unless the Grammys are trying to be subversive and making a statement on the current state of the industry, in which case, bold move.
So right now we're making snap instant predictions and picking the winners without over-thinking any of it. Technically, we had all of last night that we could think about it but we were too busy contemplating the Nashville midseason finale (said no one).
We present: the winners of the 55th annual Grammy Awards (or at least the categories we care about, because why the ef is there a Grammy for "Album Notes"?). You're welcome. Except you, LMFAO, because spoiler alert: We did not pick you.
Album of the Year: Babel, Mumford & Sons
It's a safe bet (both in terms of predictions and the Grammys' final choice). It may be a bit vanilla, but vanilla in that way that a ton of people like. Nobody is looking to rock the boat with Album of the Year and Mumford is more of a pleasant rowboat ride down a scenic creek.
Record of the Year: "Somebody That I Used to Know," Gotye featuring Kimbra
Sorry, Taylor Swift, but next year will be your year (when her album Red is in full contention). This one goes to the song that popped out of nowhere and, despite being covered a billion times on YouTube, was never as good as the original.
Song of the Year: "We Are Young," fun. featuring Janelle Monáe
Carly Rae Jepson and her team of writers might have unlocked the secret formula to Top 40 success, but we just don't see the Grammys calling her anytime soon. Instead, this will go to the infectious anthem about late night party woes.
Best New Artist: Hunter Hayes
This award should go to Frank Ocean, but if the Grammy track record has proven anything it's that the person who should win Best New Artist, doesn't. So who is Hayes? Exactly. By the by, whatever happened to Esperanza Spalding?
Best Pop Solo Performance: "Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)," Kelly Clarkson
Sorry again, Carly Rae. But look on the bright side: You'll probably have better luck at the VMAs. While Adele seems to be the Grammy shoo-in whenever nominated, we think she'll be knocked out this time by the American Idol alum.
To add, the Grammys nominated Rihanna's "Where Have You Been," which was seemingly solely created so could show off her vagina voguing, over "We Found Love"? Interesting call there, Grammy voters. Interesting call.
Best Rock Album: El Camino, The Black Keys
The Grammys like to prove they're hip (Arcade Fire's big win last year), so the very hip Keys will fill that status quo.
Best Urban Contemporary Album: Channel Orange, Frank Ocean
Ocean should be showered with trophies all night, but won't be. He won't go home completely empty handed though.
Best Rap Song: "N----s in Paris," Kanye West and Jay-Z
Let's put it this way: We're going to skate to one song and one song only. This won't be 'Ye's only win of the night either.
Best Choral Performance: "Handel: Israel In Egypt," Julian Wachner
We think you know why.