Kevin Winter/Dimitrios Kambouris/Ian Gavan/Getty Images; WENN; FAMEFLYNET PICTURESA wedding, a breakup, a reunion, a ring...
It's not hard to fall behind when you're following the every-which-way-but-normal world of celebrities—but you can keep up just by scrolling down!
Here's everything you need to know about the week just past in entertainment (and simply entertaining) news:
IN THE PINK: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel tied the knot last week, but it was only in the days following that we got the pics and all the details about the dress (pink!), the tux, the vows, the guests, the party, the jewelry, the bride's upcoming name change, the Britney photobomb, the really embarrassing well-wishes from some unwitting homeless people and everything else you need to know about the couple's big day.
BLUE PERIOD: Taylor Swift finds herself single again after what we'll probably soon find out was a diary-filling summer romance with Conor Kennedy—who's now back at prep school for his senior year. Her Red Tour can't come fast enough.
BAD TRIP: Britney Spears may end up spending upward of $1 million fighting Sam Lutfi's charges of defamation, breach of contract and battery—but the bombshells about drug use and other odd behavior are already out there. Listening to this trial testimony has us reliving Britney's darkest days.
BABY BOOM: Adele is this much closer to having it all, having welcomed a son with Simon Konecki...Hawaii 5-0 star Alex O'Loughlin and model-surfer girlfriend Malia Jones welcomed a son together...Lisa Ling having a girl withdoctor hubby Paul Song...Teen Mom 2's Leah Messer Calvert is expecting a baby with hubby Jeremy Calvert...Don Trump Jr. and wife Vanessa welcomed their fourth child and third son.
POP GO THE POLITICS: Obama's horses and bayonets proved very popular in his final presidential debate with Mitt Romney...Katy Perry performed at an Obama rally in Las Vegas on the eve of her 28th birthday...Michelle Obama hit up Jimmy Kimmel Live and a Will Smith-hosted fundraiser...Clint Eastwood needs no chair assistance in new Romney campaign ad...Ann Coulter set herself up for a few derogatory terms to be directed her way.
ENOUGH: Lindsay Lohan's publicist quit. We have no idea why.
UNHITCHING: Jessica Simpson's parents, Joe and Tina, are divorcing after 34 years of marriage...Russell Crowe acknowledged that he and wife Danielle Spencer have split up
REBOOTED: Teen Mom's Farrah Abraham debuted a new post-plastic surgery face. Because...she wasn't a model and on TV and stuff already?
FOR THE RECORD: Eva Longoria and Mark Sanchez have split up (she did not leave him for Tim Tebow yet, as far as we know)...Jenny McCarthy is dating jeweler Pascal Mouawad...James Franco is not dating Ashley Benson, among others...Now that they're just friends, Chris Brown is hanging out with ex Karrueche Tran almost as much as he hangs out with Rihanna...Bachelor Pad couple Blakeley Jones and Tony Pieper called off their engagement...Emily Maynard and Jef Holm aren't engaged, but he did spend time with her and daughter Ricki in North Carolina last weekend.
THEY WILL: 'N Sync alum Chris Kirkpatrick is engaged to Karly Skladany...E! News correspondent Ashlan Gorse is engaged to Philippe Cousteau.
FAREWELLS: Russell Means, Native American activist and actor in Last of the Mohicans and Natural Born Killers, died at 72...Bachelorette Emily Maynard paid tribute to late fiancé Ricky Hendrick on eighth anniversary of his death...Tony Scott's death from blunt-force injuries that resulted in drowning officially ruled a suicide.
TV LAND: Which series are soaring and which are slumping in their sophomore seasons?...Adam Carolla joined Fox News as a contributor to The O'Reilly Factor...Don and Megan are having fun in the sun on the sixth season of Mad Men...Conan O'Brien and Andy Richter will be on the new Arrested Development...Gilles Marini talks taking off the towel on Dancing With the Stars...Giuliana Rancic and Andy Cohen will cohost the 2012 Miss Universe Pageant...Watch a behind-the-scenes clip from Friends' era-ending finale...Disney's new princess isn't Latina after all...Jennifer Esposito may be off Blue Bloods for good amid feud with CBS...Saturday Night Live took on Brad Pitt's apparently very mockable Chanel No. 5 commercial.
RECAPS: Jersey Shore, Grey's Anatomy, American Horror Story: Asylum, Sons of Anarchy, The X Factor, The Voice, Dancing With the Stars, Revenge, Homeland, The Walking Dead and Married to Jonas.
SCREEN PLAY: Arnold Schwarzenegger is coming back for more barbarianism in The Legend of Conan...Check out the new A Good Day to Die Hard trailer...James Cameron wants to direct The Informationist after completing the Avatar trilogy...Nicole Kidman says Eyes Wide Shut wasn't to blame for her split from Tom Cruise (though that would have been a perfectly good reason)...Watch the first TV spot for The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey...Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel spark the Safe Haven trailer...Pax and Zahara Jolie-Pitt are in Maleficent, too!...Get a load of the explosive Iron Man 3 trailer.
FASHION FORWARD: Kim Kardashian went up the ladder to the roof of Alex Rodriguez's house for a photo shoot...Marion Cotillard stuns for Lady Dior...Leighton Meester is sporting a new choppy bob...Kellie Pickler's buzz cut is growing out...Halle Berry is going to be a cupcake for Halloween...Anne Hathaway "did what she had to do" to play the doomed Fantine in Les Misérables...Katie Holmes made an especially stunning showing at the launch party for Narciso Rodriguez's new Kohl's collection...Natalie Portman's Dior mascara ad banned in the U.K. because her lashes were unbelievablye lucious...Ashley Greene has new red hair...Britney Spears debuted new bangs. So much better than bald.