Carrie Underwood

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So, let's talk about Carrie Underwood's concert dress.

It's the fashion equivalent of walking into a basement in New Orleans after a hurricane and not knowing which piece of damage you need to clean up first: The mold, the rats living in a nest they've made out of Mardi Gras beads,  the overall reek of sadness or the mystery skull circling the drain.

We'll start with the vinyl knuckles on Underwood's hands.

No, we won't, we'll start with the one-shouldered array of pearls and jet beads and what appears to be an angry thought-bubble coming out of her cleavage.

No, we won't, we'll start with the spiked Auntie Entity cuff, which we guess is a backup for that inevitable moment when Carrie realizes that vinyl knuckles are not like brass knuckles and offer no defense whatsoever.

No, we won't, because we absolutely have to discuss the skirt, which appears to be made from whalebone, stardust and ostrich down. Very Jennifer Lopez, we think. In fact, the whole dress looks like it was created for Lopez's Dance Again World Tour, and even then J.Lo took a look and it and was like, That's muy loco, I'll pass, mi ositos.

Bonus fact: This is a look from Underwood's current concert tour. So, she'll likely be suiting up in this over and over again, all over the country. You're welcome, America.

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