Does the fact that we know we're getting more Honey Boo Boo episodes make tonight's season finale all the more exciting? We're not psychologists but…heck yes!
In tonight's poignantly titled episode "It Is What It Is," Anna finally had her baby, and Alana Thompson took to stage at the Miss Sparkle and Shine pageant. Putting aside the fact that we are oddly entertained by Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, we've also been watching this season to see if all that hard work paid off for Alana. Did she take home the top prize?
Honey Boo Boo Sparkles and Shines: "Work it, Smoochie!" The whole family comes out to support Alana as she competes for the title in the Miss Sparkle and Shine pageant, but the competition is hella stiff. For the Outfit of Choice portion, Alana donned a shiny blue swimsuit, which she thought made her look like a blueberry. She was correct. But she was a sassy blueberry while working that stage! Despite all her hard work and the fact that she won over the crowd like a seasoned pro, Alana did not place in the top three. She did, however, won the People's Choice Award. But there was one more surprise in store for our little Honey Boo Boo child: Glitzy the pig!
Yes, that squealing bundle of joy was brought down the aisle and into the arms of Alana. She was overcome with emotion and promptly forgot about not having a crown on her head, choosing instead to smother her old pet with love. Truly the perfect end to the family's summer.
Baby Time: While the family prepared for the awesomely titled Beach Beauties in Brunswick pageant, Anna went into labor. Baby Kaitlyn was finally coming, and the pageant would have to be missed. In the delivery room, June stuck a camera in Anna's face, and in an effort to spread the word that teenage pregnancy is not as magical as Teen Mom tries to make it out to be, she reminded her daughter that giving birth was the most painful thing a woman can go through. When she asked Anna if she would recommend getting pregnant to other 17-year-olds, the clearly in pain mother-to-be did not take the bait, only whining out: "Do what you wanna do."
Baby Kaitlyn came three hours later, measuring 19 inches long and complete with not two but three thumbs. Yes, the new addition had a little extra magic added to her: two right thumbs on one hand. Poor Alana was too young to go into the delivery room, so she did the next best thing, which was make a chalk drawing on the driveway to welcome the baby home. And to June's surprise, Anna took to motherhood like Sugar Bear takes to a freshly opened can of tobacco.
Meet Uncle Poodle: Clearly there is no shortage of eccentric relatives with crazy names in this town since Sugar Bear's younger brother Uncle Poodle pops up to help Alana prepare for a last-minute pageant. His real name is Lee, but Alana adoringly calls him "Poodle" because he's gay, and we are informed by Chubbs that she calls every gay person "Poodle." Uncle Poodle does his best to help Alana prepare for the pageant, and even tries to teach her how to do a cartwheel. It goes swimmingly. Just kidding, Alana falls over and lands face first in the mud.
Say Cheese: It sounded simple enough: Round up the gang and take some family photos. But when you consider that it's the Thompson family, and it's 101 degrees out, an effort to create lasting memories becomes a nightmare. Big ups to the photographer for getting through Alana's temper tantrums, burping and the entire family going heat-crazy. But we did get some poetic talk from June about inner beauty, so that made up for the fact that we saw Alana's butt covered in mud. The photos turned out pretty cute, and we've already ordered them for our office wall. What? America and the Thompson clan are one big happy family, no?
"In my family, if we're not yellin' at one another, something's gotta be wrong." —June on the family dynamic
"Baby Kaitlyn arrives on the biscuit express!" —Alana teaching us about the circle of life
"It's so hot out here I'm sweatin' like a whore in church. I'm taking a bath in my own sweat." —June
"I wish I had an extra finger, then I could grab more cheese balls!" —Alana, always looking on the bright side
"Ain't nothing wrong with being a little gay! Everybody's a little gay!" —Alana, who is more open-minded than half the country
"Redneck ain't the word for this damn family. They're dysfunctional rednecks. One got bugs, one farts all the time, one's playing in the mud and one's digging in her butt all the time." —Lee describing the Thompson gang