Matthew McConaughey, Channing Tatum, Magic Mike

Claudette Barius/Warner Bros

Dear Ted:
Even though the movie Magic Mike makes me think it will vanish right out of theaters and into DVD bins, it got me thinking about Matthew McConaughey. I can't believe I don't know if he's a Blind Vicer, but I have to believe yes. If so, would it have any connection to naked bongo playing…or why one would even play bongos naked? Give us a hint, would you, love? Hugs, kisses & good vibes!
—The Amazing Jen

Dear Totally Bonkers:
The "Amazing" Jen?! More like The Totally Delusional Jen if you aren't salivating over Magic Mike. Forget the theater experience (which really should be 3-D, right?), the reason I'm already thinking about the DVD is because perhaps we'll get an uncensored version. As for Matty McC., he is indeed a Vice star. And it's much juicier than any bongo incident.

Dear Ted:
I have a question about my favorite Vicer Nelly Fang! Could his naughty ways cause trouble in paradise with his new lady? Or is she fine with her man's naughty ways?

Dear Queen of Denial:
Clearly you didn't catch my latest installment on Nelly's current chickie, Queen Djibouti. Because then you'd know that Queenie is totally cool with Nell's naughty ways—in fact, I think they might be a turn on for her.

Dear Ted:
I am flabbergasted. Shocked. Hell, even dumbfounded and astonished. I have read your many casting suggestions for the role of Christian Grey and nowhere have I seen Taylor Lautner mentioned! Not even once! I know that, age-wise, it might be difficult to pull off, but come on! He would be perfect for it! And I have another question if you don't mind: Do you think Justin Bieber will soon join the ranks of your Blind Vicers? I can't help feeling like that kid is a bit (or even totally) a brat. Thanks!

Dear Uhhh:
C'mon, babe. Way to totally make me lose my appetite. Skipping over all that gross-out T.Lautner stuff, Justin hasn't scored a moniker yet. And I can't see him anytime soon. The only thing I've caught wind of is a sometimes diva-ish 'tude, and some loose lips have already let that slip.

Dear Ted:
If I was replacing Jenifer Lopez on American Idol, I would be knocking on Nashville's door! I can't see Carrie Underwood at the table though. My picks would be Faith Hill or Reba!

Dear Underwhelmed:
I could see Faith getting in on the action, sure, but Reba is more into the sitcom stuff lately, it seems. I still think Carrie would be perfect, though. Why not? She got her start on the show, after all, and has become a true success story. She has double cred in that department.

Dear Ted:
Is it accurate to say there is at least one scandal going on behind the scenes in Hollywood at any given time? For example, the recent John Travolta allegations. I'm guessing that there are many Vicey things going on all the time, yet every once in a while something makes headlines. Why do some things stay hush-hush and others hit the news? Payoffs, publicists working overtime or what?

Dear Plug the Leak:
Only one scandal? Ha! There's tons of NSFW stuff that goes down every dang day in Tinseltown. While John's situation is seemingly turning into one of the more watch-and-wait tabloid tales (if this thing ever actually goes to court, that is), there's no scientific explanation for Hollyweird scandal. If camps can pay people off to seal loose lips, sure they will—other times they can sue the pants off of liars hoping to make a quick buck.

Dear Ted:
I came across Bravo's Inside the Actor's Studio a few days ago and watched because James Lipton was interviewing the cast of Mad Men. The happy chatting came to a halt every time Christina Hendricks opened her mouth. Could she be Harriet Talons? If looks could kill…

Dear Mad Women:
Hardly. Harriet wishes she had Ms. Hendrick's body type—ya know, one that leaves men drooling and everyone talking. As far as cast relations go, Christina is a completely different story.

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