Diane Kruger

Mike Marsland/WireImage

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Just because you're an ex-fashion model doesn't mean you can pick an outfit.

Exhibit A: Diane Kruger, who worked as a human clothes hanger in Paris before seducing Orlando Bloom in Troy. You may also remember her totally believable turn as a historian in National Treasure. (And if you doubt this girl was ever a model, check out the baby pony knees—definitely a sign.)

If anybody can get away with ripping up an old cheerleading uniform and pinning it back in place with licorice whips, it should be a girl who used to wear this crap for a living. And by "this crap," we mean the Versus frock that the 35-year-old beauty wore this week to a photocall for the Cannes Film Festival...

Some parts of this outfit are OK: The shoes, which we adore, are Jimmy Choo Katimas and the makeup is exactly as invisible as it should be, given how busy the dress is.

If the dress looks familiar, that's because Jessica Alba wore it on the June cover of Marie Claire!

And yet, even a 5-foot-7-inch Teutonic stunner can't sell us on this look. The bodice on the dress looks too tight, even on a girl who obviously hasn't eaten any real licorice since the 80s. The pleats keep reminding us of nuns with rulers and not in a hot way. Also, given the pensive look on the actresses face, she seems to be remembering a few sad Catholic school days of her own.

One likely bright spot: We have no doubt that Diane's boyfriend, Joshua Jackson, likes those licorice whips just fine.

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