January Jones, Christina Hendricks

Mathew Imaging/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Harriet Talons
from your recent B.V. just has to be Mad Men's January Jones. Who else could it be? We've all heard the rumors about the lady who brings Betty Draper to life. So, am I right? 

Dear Bye-Bye Betty:
Sorry, W, but the former Mrs. Draper is not our detested small screen queen. While it's no secret that Jan has ruffled a few feathers on her AMC hit—just ask her alter ego's former kiddo, for one—she provides a much needed flair of drama on and off screen. She's far too valuable to kill off.

Dear Ted:
When I read about Harriet Talons and saw you referenced the phrase "Boob Tube" Christina Hendricks came to mind. 

Dear Off My Chest:
Is that a guess, babe? Or you're just sharing a thought you had. Guess I'll throw you a bone and tell you that Christina is not Harriet either. Puh-leeze, Xtina has one of the most bangin' bods on the boob tube and no one works those retro threads better.

Dear Ted:
I wonder if everyone else was as surprised as I was to hear that Cruella St. Shackles is the best mom of the three (with Shaftarella Shoshstein and Fake à la Ferocity). What a great question that was! I wonder, of the three, do any of them have any female friends, or have their antics chased everyone away (except their significant other men, of course). Could you rank them by reputation as a person, best to worst?

Dear BFF 4 Ever:
Shafty has the most gal pals, of course—who else to do her evil bidding?—though Ms. St. Shackles and Fakey have a few too. As for your second question: I'd say Shaftarella, Fake, Cruella (in the order you asked for).

Dear Ted:
Could Debbie Doobie possibly have a sibling who is recently in the limelight as well? Maybe making her Auntie Debbie?

Dear Doobious Guess:
No and no, Mamahawk! Debs is the only famous face in her brood of siblings.

Dear Ted:
Has Strawberry Snort'Em ever done film before? If she is who I think she is she has done film and television, right?

Dear Versatile Vicer:
Yes—Strawberry frequents the big and small screen. Good sleuthing.

Dear Ted:
How many Vicers were at the Kids' Choice Awards?

Dear Mature Audiences Only:
More than a handful but less than a dozen.

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