by Drusilla Moorhouse | Wed., Feb. 22, 2012 8:30 PM
Is anything worse than being bitch-slapped by Jeff Probst?
By the looks of the miserable tribe gathered at Survivor: One World's second Tribal Council tonight, the answer is definitely no.
"You're off to one of the worst starts ever in this game because of [your] absolute and total dysfunction," scolded Jeff. "It's almost like I'm talking to sixth-graders." He almost seemed disappointed that he could only snuff one torch.
So which "witless" tribe was on the receiving end of the Probst smackdown?
Let's just say the ladies weren't getting any special treatment tonight.
After losing both the Reward and Immunity Challenges, the women's Salani tribe made their second trip to Tribal Council for a bitchslapping by Jeff Probst before sending Nina home by a nearly unanimous vote. Although Nina described herself as energetic, Alicia compared her to a "bag of rocks" ("I don't even know what that analogy means, but she's just not moving") and Sabrina said the older woman was like "the walking dead." In comparison, the tribe likes Kat's youthful spirit, but Sab warned her, "At the end of the day, logic and strategy trumps rah-rah."
Witless Protection Program: Even though Chelsea and Kim agreed with Nina that Kat's immaturity and clownish mistakes in the Immunity Challenge "embarrassed" their "witless" tribe—"Kat makes us all out to be frickin' idiots," said Chelsea—they stuck to their alliance and saved the tribe's young'un. Salani leader Sabrina faces a tough challenge ahead to get some "girl power going on" in her tribe.
Do Blondes Have More Dumb? Nina didn't go down without a fight, calling Kat out during the challenge as "dumb as a rock" (for, among many other blunders, jumping into the water twice when she didn't have to) and, later, a dumb blonde, a dumb broad, and an ignorant nitwit ruining their tribe. But while Kat is asking what "ambiance" means, we have more pressing questions: Where is she getting her eyeliner? And why does she sit like a gansta?
Reward Challenge: The women also lost the (first-ever?) do-it-yourself Reward Challenge at camp. (How wonderful it is to have two separate challenges now that the Redemption Island nightmare is over.) To win a coveted tarp, the tribes had to untie a bunch of knotted ropes. The women seemed to be working well together, but the men (with Tarzan's magic "jazz fingers") finished seconds ahead. "We needed a tarp like a fat kid needs cake," quipped Sabrina. (Colton needs to step up his game if he wants to get more sound bites than Sab.)
No Man Is an Island: Does Colton have any desire to win a million bucks? By dodging work and his own tribe and tearfully begging the women to embrace him, he's alienated himself from all the Castaways. Even after Salani kicked him out, he "snaked" his way back. "Colton is like a virus," protested Sabrina. "There seems to be not a cure for him just yet."
Alliance of Misfit Boys: Colton does have a remedy—the Hidden Immunity Idol that Sabrina herself gave him—and finally made a move to use it to his advantage. Colton secretly revealed the Idol to tribe entertainer Tarzan, Leif, Jonas and Troyzan, whose first question—"Who gave you the Idol?"—shows how little faith the men have in Colton's abilities. (Except maybe Jonas, who calls the " ridiculously smart" kid a "freak of nature.") Instead of targeting Colton, the new alliance agree "get rid of the muscle"—Mike and Matt—when (if?) they go to Tribal Council. "Until I can get with the girls, I have to associate myself with these misfits," Colton preens. "They can call themselves the Misfit Alliance, I'll just be their king. They should have called this Survivor: Colton's World."
Next Time, on Survivor: Without a tarp, the women are soaked and freezing in their makeshift shelter, but they receive no help from the men—even Colton: "I'm a Republican," he says. "I do not believe in handouts." Meow!
Can the women recover from their fatal mistakes? Are you a fan of Colton or do want to see him silenced? And what's the deal with Kat's eyeliner? Sound off in the comments!