Dear Ted
I am about to make a very bold prediction: I say finally we will see Toothy Tile and his beau the Grey Goose out and about together more and very soon. Am I wrong?
—Tom
Dear Dining In:
Hate to say it, Tommy, especially on this most romantic of days, but you're wrong. Toothy is as conscious as ever about keeping his relayshes on the DL, which means no PDA-on-the-sly with Grey. But unlike last V-Day it's G.G. that's all caught up in the beard biz this year.
Dear Ted:
Just heard the sad news about Whitney Houston's death. Is she Soheila Stuff-It?
—Minxx
Dear Ass-uming:
Can't we focus more on her musical legacy (a fabulous one, at that) than worrying about what secrets she may have kept? Well, from all the Q's I'm getting, it appears not. So I'll tell you: No, Whit isn't Soheila. Plus, drugs weren't her only vice.
Dear Ted:
Man, I'm so lost with this Chuck Finger-Dingle Vice! Could you please give us another clue? It could be anything related to Chuck's lady lovers (the past, it seems, she's trying to hide). What you say?
—GM
Dear Finger Lickin':
She has a thing for directors. But that's hardly a shocker in this town.
Dear Ted:
You recently hinted that Judas Jack-Off's guy-nooky-loving would come to light way before a tell-all book could spill any secrets. Why is that? I know things are over with him and Dashed Dingle-Dream, so is JJO not really being discreet with the guy hookups?
—Nosykitty
Dear Nine Lives of JJO:
You can only scorn so many dudes before one decides to out your usin' and abusin' ass. The only reason Dash didn't at the time is because he was trying to up his name in H'wood. And a same-sex scandal wasn't going to land him any leading roles.
Dear Ted:
This might be a bit of a cheeky question, but is Altar-Ego Salami only after the ladies, or does in he lust after the occasional gentleman? And will we be hearing about his prolific conquests in public anytime soon, or will he be keeping his exploits undercover?
—L.J.
Dear Salami's Sausage Party:
He tends towards the ladies (and very frequently, might I had), but I wouldn't be surprised if he's crossed swords at some point in his lustful—and oft substance filled—past. As for the broads he beds, you've already heard about some of them, I'm sure.
Dear Ted:
I recently saw a picture of Matt Bomer with son Kit. I wonder is Baby Tile about the same age as Kit? Do you think we'll ever see a picture like this of Toothy and his son? Lots of love!
—Michael
Dear Daddy Dearest:
Heavens no! Toothy makes damn sure of it, too.