Heidi Klum, Seal

Todd Williamson/Gety images

Dear Ted:
I honestly didn't see the Heidi Klum-Seal split coming. That one shocked me. As for the other couples, yes.

Dear Jaded:
You mean Demi and Ashton and J.Lo and Marc, for instance? Hey, I was pretty surprised by Demi and Ashton, as they had already been through a lot together—many hardships and experimentations in the marriage (which can bring people together just as much as it can tear them apart), shared interests, similar make-ups. But, alas, you're more interested in Heidi and Seal, which, I must confess, I'm not as much. Only because Seal's been passive-aggressively power-hungry with Heidi, from what I hear—just like Marc was with Jennifer. I mean, look at all the press time he's giving his separation lately! While classy Heidi keeps it zipped. Very tacky on his part.

Dear Ted:
Where do you get your Blind Vice info? You know anyone can go to your site and post this so called ''info'' and you actually believe them? Are you really that guidable? WTF is wrong with you?

Dear Gullible:
Darling, I don't think you mean guidable, as you say. More likely, the adjective you're looking for is one that best describes you, insteadif you really think anonymous tips are where I get my Blind Vices. In all honesty, in all the years I've been writing B.V.s, I think maybe two are from people I don't know.

Dear Ted:
Ewan McGregor, curious if he has any Blind Vices out there? He tends to gravitate to roles in which he often kisses other men. I could see him having some "skeletons in the closet", wondering if it's a case of life imitating art?

Dear Naughty Girl:
Scottish Ewan is not nearly as uptight about sex as many of his American counterpart actors, of that I can assure you. Maybe that's why this straight dude seems a little bi to you? He also sure doesn't need his hands to golf, as George Clooney might be interested to know and say.

Dear Ted:
I have to say I was pretty shocked to find out that Kristin Cavallari is pregnant. It seemed like a baby was the last thing she and Jay Cutler wanted in their already rocky relationship. Is there more to their story than we are being led to believe? By chance, could Kristin be Carol Anne Sausage-Snatcher?

Dear Det. Domestic:
No, not a chance! Carol's heaps more fun (and interesting) that Kristin. And all I gotta say here is that that Cutler kid better not mind a lotta noise in the household. Most babies sleep through that stuff, right?

Dear Ted:
How many Blind Vicers are amongst the Oscar nominees?

Dear Numbers Game:

Dear Ted:
What's happening with King Schlong? We haven't heard about him in a while...

Dear Nice Try:
Maybe that's because he's very depressed lately?

Dear Ted:
You have all your B.V. sleuths in an uproar, some saying you are straight out lying (not what I think) just because their idea does not fit with your clues. Specifically with two of your lovely ladies, Chuck Finger-Dingle and Strawberry Snort 'Em, both because of your use of the term BF. Please help them understand, SSE had a boyfriend and not a husband and CFD does not have a current BF real or the beard variety. Thanks!

Dear Teddy Casablanca, Jr.
Uh, think you just took care of that for me, son. (Although you're wrong on one.)

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