Blind Vice diva

Dear Ted:
Which Vicers do you think will try to shake their habits in 2012 and who do you think will be Vicing harder than ever?

Dear Naughty and Nice:
Tough Q, M. I think Morgan Mayhem will continue to try to clean up her act this year (or at least make people think she has), while sometimes-bestie Strawberry Snort 'Em will be wilder than ever. And you can quote me on that last one. As for closeted dudes, I'm not expecting any of them to come out of the closet this year, but if I had to pick one, maybe Crotch Uh-lastic? Ha! Probably not, but who knows.

Dear Ted:
I just read in today's N.Y. Post that a psychic is predicting that George Clooney is going to become a father this year! Maybe you can be a godfather? That would be fun.

Dear Daddy Dearest:
And Elisabetta Canalis will be the mid-wife to help deliver that baby in the candlelight of the American Horror Story mansion?! Because Georgey popping out an offspring would clearly be the first sign of the end of the world.

Dear Ted:
How is Parrish Maguire doing? Still having a beard problem? Also, has Nevis Divine stayed away from drugs to deal with things lately? How is his relationship with Barrington Bang-Me now? Please answer! I'm having Blind Vice withdrawal!

Dear Clean Shaven:
Worse than ever, I'm afraid, doll. Parr is going to have a tough least, as far as my predictions go. Nev on the other hand is doing much better these days. Things have kinda cooled between him and Barr (don't worry, they're still mucho into each other), but he's put off the rehab route. For now.

Dear Ted:
In the past Dashed Dingle-Dream wanted to marry his ex Judas Jack-Off—that ship sunk—but do you think he would consider marriage to the new BF or go all old H'wood standard and do a jump the broom with beard? I really want DDD to make it work with his preferred choice and not fall into the beard trap. What are the odds?

Dear Marriage Material:
Publicly? The beard route, of course. Tho, I think it has more to do with seeing Judas get serious with his fakey GF—and becoming more famous for it, natch—than it has to do with getting scorned by his former fiancé.

Dear Ted:
Does Mark Sanchez of the Jets have a Vice? I noticed instead of playing well this year, he's unfortunately becoming more known for his attention-grabbing GQ layout, and with N.Y. fans, behavior like that just won't fly. Let's hope he keeps N.Y. Vice free now that he has plenty of time off to reform.
—NY Sports Chik

Dear New York, New Man:
Any beef you have against Sanchez should remain strictly of the football variety. Because, sure, the baller may have piqued tabloid interest from time to time (remember that Hayden Panettiere thing?), but hardly enough to land on my Vicetastic radar.

Dear Ted:
Does Gwyneth Paltrow have a Blind Vice?

Dear C'mon Moo:
You know Gwyn has things to hide behind that glistening GOOP persona.

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