Dear Ted:
New Year's resolution: I'm giving up trying to figure out who Nevis Divine is. If the obvious answer isn't right, as you've said in the past, then I've got nothin'. So, who's going to be the sexy new Blind Vice in 2012?
—EA
Dear Not So Divine:
Why give up now, doll? I think 2012 may be Nevis' Viciest year yet. Here's a hint: It will be a big year for his career as well.
Dear Ted:
Is Nevis Divine Bradley Cooper? He seems so Vicey to me. If not, am I warm or cold?
—Sutherland
Dear Not So Nevis:
Sorry, S, but Bradley Cooper's no Nevis Divine. He is just as hot though and very Vicey—you have that much correct.
Dear Ted:
What is King Schlong up to? Is he still doing justice to his moniker or has he found love?
—Sasha
Dear Schlonging Around:
He's around, doing mucho justice to his moniker. Dude is not settling down. In fact, far from it, seeing as he has no ties to hold him back.
Dear Ted:
Last year, you were sure that Strawberry Snort 'Em had run into man trouble and was naive. But lately you've been more optimistic. What changed and what was the problem in the first place? Did she clean up her act or did he?
—JJ
Dear Trouble for 2012:
Their problems were of a different variety, and neither party has changed too much. Really, I'm surprised Strawberry and her man have lasted this long, but that's probably because they are both career focused, for now. Or because they're both very good at keeping secrets from each other.
Dear Ted:
I know you know so spill it—does Tim Tebow have any vices?
—Becca from IL
Dear Saving Himself:
Surprisingly, no. Dude's as wholesome as they come—almost annoyingly so.
Dear Ted:
This may be too many questions for you to answer but please at least answer one. Has Brucey Huskers ever been married? Was he married to a famous person?
—Curious
Dear Mrs. Huskers?
Yes, he's been married before and the former Mrs. is definitely a household name.