Weekend Mail! The Breaking Dawn Reviews Are in and They're...Not Good

Readesr complain about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s latest vampire film

By Ted Casablanca Nov 19, 2011 1:30 PMTags
Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Breaking Dawn Part 1Andrew Cooper, Summit Entertainment

Dear Ted:
What did you think of Breaking Dawn? I hated it! They did well translating some very difficult scenes, but they completely messed up the really basic stuff. It is a brilliantly written story; you literally could have just cut and pasted a better script straight from the book! I get they were trying to show Bella's emotion, but really, watching her breathe weird and blink a lot is not the only way to do that! Also am I the only one who thinks that Catherine Hardwick actually understood the books? They should have brought back Hardwick. Never try and tell a story written from a woman's point of view through the eyes of a man!
—BlahBlah

Dear Unpopular Opinion:
I agree and disagree, babe. I thought this was the best flick of the bunch, especially the ending (but that was all visual effects and whatnot). It was lightyears ahead of horrible New Moon, at least. But I do agree Cathy Hardwick shouldn't have been canned, at least not as soon as she was. If only because I want to see more females behind the camera in this town and I do believe she saw something else in the books nobody else has to date.

Dear Ted:
I just caught The Runaways on TV and I have to say, the physical scenes between Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning were hot! Way more sensual the anything I've seen from Kristen in the Twilight series (sorry Twi-hards). So my question is (even though I know you probably can't answer it publicly), do you think any of that Joan-Cherie onscreen steaminess translated to real life?
—h

Dear Cherry Bomb:
K.Stew and Dakota definitely had serious chemistry on and off the screen, but things didn't get as hot and heavy as you're imagining. Sorry to burst your girl-on-girl bubble.

Dear Ted:
Just love Minka Kelly! Why don't we hear more about her? Now that Charlie's Angels is canceled, what is she up to? Aside from planning her wedding and future Jeter babies!
—Mag 

Dear Fallen Angel:
Not sure if you've heard, M, but her impending wedding date got canceled tooat least for the time being. There have been plenty of whispers that these two so are not over. And that might just be the perfect gig for Minka to stick with for now, at least if she wants the tabloid attention.

Dear Ted:
I feel so bad for Armie Hammer being in that hot mess Mirror, Mirror, but I have the perfect bounce-back role for him: Finnick Odair in The Hunger Games! He's perfect, no? Also, any new info on Carmelita Salami-Climber?
—Empirico

Dear Casting Couch:
That's actually not a bad idea, like, at all, babe. Armie is hunky enough for itphysically speakingand he's swoon-worthy too, which would totally seal the deal, making him the perfect Finnick. Call up Lionsgate, E! As for Carmelita? She has less to be thankful for this Thanksgiving, but she deserves it. Kharma's a be-yotch!

Dear Ted:
Let's be real. The only reason Ryan Gosling isn't Sexiest Man Alive is because his movies don't make enough cash.
—Betty

Dear Pinching Quarters:
Pooh pooh, Betty. That has nothing to do with it. It's all about politics, not box-office biz.

Dear Ted:
We all saw the impending divorce of Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore, which got me thinking about the celebrity couple that I would really be upset about if they split: Heidi Klum and Seal. Please tell me they're are as solid and committed as they seem.
—B 

Dear Whew!
Glad you picked this twosome so I can honesty say that they are the real deal. And made to last. It's the unexpected ones that (usually) do.