I think I could get elected president because I would tell people that I like good things and I don't like bad things. Like, I really like hamburgers—they are the perfect combination of meat, bread and ketchup—so I would make sure everyone gets at least one hamburger a week. I know my opponents would call me racist because I'm not thinking about the vegetarians but I've got one word for you...Veggie Burger, bitches! This politics stuff is easy.

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