He braves wars and riots and floods, but at the end of the day nothing gets Anderson Cooper giggling like a good story.

So when teen bride Courtney Stodden got tossed from a pumpkin patch for "inappropriate behavior," the CNN anchor couldn't help but take notice—and give a tongue-ing-cheek defense of everyone's favorite 17-year-old wife.

What did Cooper have to say about Stodden and hubby Doug Hutchison?

"Courtney and Doug went out for some innocent fall fun at a pumpkin patch yesterday, as newlyweds are wont to do, and wouldn't you know it there just happened to be a professional photographer there," he joked, calling the haters, "Halloween scrooges."

Anderson showed a montage of the sexy pumpkin patch pics, saying Stodden had "no choice" but to get out of there and "show off her pumpkins on the side of the road."

The AC360 host said there were some pictures that were too naughty for TV, quipping that Stodden could be seen showing off her, um, "crack-o-lantern."

Good gourd, Anderson.

"Getting thrown out of a pumpkin patch is just the latest injustice for these two kooky kids. Doug and Courtney have had to face the haters ever since they announced their union, but they're dealing with it well. Oh yeah, they're holding up well," Anderson said, while showing a clip he's "obsessed" with of Stodden making some seemingly sexytime expressions during an interview.

Anderson says the pair are just a couple in love—who got tossed from the patch like "trash."

"Like rotten pumpkins!" he said. "Courtney likes to dress up, so what? Anyone familiar with her milieu—yes, she has a milieu—knows she turns heads."

He sums it up for Stodden-haters by saying they know exactly what to expect when the teen bride is in the house, so anyone not liking her assets hanging out should be the ones to get the heck out of the patch if they don't like it, ok?

"Halloween haters, it is real simple," Anderson said. "If you don't want to see a scantily clad 17-year-old making out with her 51-year-old husband, maybe you shouldn't go to a pumpkin patch. Yeah, I said it. Haters."

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