Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Breaking Dawn Part 1

Andrew Cooper, Summit Entertainment

Dear Ted:
You know what I think? I think you have been lying about the Robsten breakup to protect Breaking Dawn and Summit. The news would disappoint many fans around the world. I think they are no longer together. In fact, I think this is clear right now. We know Rob was on vacation. We know he spent only nine days with Kristen in London in the lasts three months (how do you explain that btw?). We know that he has been seen at bars and parties a lot in those months, drinking and having fun. We also know they are not doing any promo together for B.D.—no new photo shoots, no joint interviews. How can you try to hide it, when this is so clear? For once, be honest with us. The fans deserve it.

Dear All-Knowing Robsten:
My column is The Awful Truth, not The Awful Cover-Up. Get a grip, please, doll. I don't protect anyone, and if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart broke up I would be the first to tell you. Now, I will agree with you that this hot romance needs a little TLC; they are on separate continents 90 percent of the time, and their careers are coming first. Kristen will not be at every promo for Breaking Dawn because she is filming a little movie called Snow White and the Huntsman, if you haven't heard. Or do you think that whole thing's also a conspiracy on Universal Picture's part—just to cover up the "breakup"?

Dear Ted:
While I agree that one should be compassionate toward Lindsay Lohan as one should be compassionate toward all living things, I think you and the public are enablers. Lindsay needs tough love. No one is guaranteed the job of their dreams or a perfect life. She should be ignored by the public so she learns how to deal with reality.

RELATED: Twilight Scoop! Rob Hits the Breaking Dawn Paris Premiere and the Official Fan Convention Announced!

Dear For Reals:
I have said from the beginning that LiLo needs some tough love, mainly pointing to Dina Lohan and her not-so-motherly lack of parenting skills. So what are you talking about? From day one, I have expressed concern and offered my advice to this family. She does not need to be ignored, quite frankly, but she needs help before something truly tragic happens to this girl. There is no enabling happening here.

Dear Ted:
I know looks are very important in Hollywood. So when Dianna Agron cut off her luscious blond locks, was that a good move approved by her management? Is she trying to get away from being typecast as the girl next door? I was wondering if the change of hair length will help or hinder Di when the Glee gig ends? I adored her long beautiful hair, but she definitely has a more mature sexy look with the short style.

Dear Locks o' Love:
If anything this shorter hair makes her look more like the girl next door and less like the hottie with long, flowing blonde hair, so I don't think that's what she's worried about. Celebs one day have short hair then the next are sporting some serious extensions. Her short hair does make her look more grown-up, which is probably a no-no when you're playing a high schooler. This won't hurt her career. If they don't like it, Di will just have to get to hair and makeup a little earlier than the rest of the cast. It's no big deal, trust.

Dear Ted:
What's new with Shafterella Shoshstein? I hear she may have staged an accident to cover up bruising probably from some cosmetic work. How crafty of her. But it's all in a days work for her never-really-as-it-seems life style.

Dear Way Off:
Honey, that's the dumb crap everybody else pulls in this town, not crafty Shafty. Ever.

Dear Ted:
Why is George Clooney still with Stacy Keibler? Do he and his agent think she really helps his career?

Dear Who Knows:
I'm just as shocked as you are as to why this couple are still prancing down the red carpet together. Listen, George is not with Stacy to help out his career, think the exact opposite babe. They definitely both benefit, though.

Dear Ted:
Is Jackie Bouffant still with his famous significant other? If he has moved on, do you think he'll move on to another famous beard or stay single a while?

Dear Run Silent, Run Deep:
Very single, very chill, very beard-free right now. Jackie's hardly unaware that beards can backfire—in a big way.

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