Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Breaking Dawn Part 1

Andrew Cooper, Summit Entertainment

Dear Ted:
Can you just rename your column "The Awful Twilight"? Every post is about Twilight, or "hunky" Rob or Vicey Kristen. Yawn! They are the two most boring people in Hollywood. "But they are so Vicey," you scream. Well, since it's a Blind Vice we don't know anything about them apart from what we see. You quit your smokes, now it's time to quit your other bad addiction—Twilight. Trust, it's just getting more and more sad that a grown man is so obsessed with two mediocre actors and a book series for 12-year-old emo girls.

Dear Gotta Smoke?:
Look, Lare, just because I put down one addiction, doesn't mean I'm putting down the others! Don't you know anything about recovery? You're not supposed to remove other bad habits from your life while concentrating on one in particular. And since I have only about 4 months off the cigs, I'd say by the time the second Breaking Dawn flick comes along, that'll be the perf time to stop this silliness!

Dear Ted:
I will ask again: Are they or aren't they together and more in love than before? Of course, I'm asking about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart.

Dear Robsten Or Nonsten:
How many times do I have to say it? They are together, and it's not changing anytime soon. But, they are way less concerned about their "status" than the rest of the world, trust me.

Dear Ted:
Why the lack of Zac Efron on your Hollywood's Hottest Body Parts polls? I would say he's a contender for best abs, biceps, and rack, but especially for eyes. On an unrelated note, if Jackie Bouffant were to come out any time soon, would he come out as gay or bisexual?

Dear Where The Ef Is Zac?:
Good point, Zac is a sexy contender for all those hot body parts, but we beg to differ on the best part of him. Rest assured, he'll be in our poll, but you'll have to wait to see which body part we chose. As for Jackie Bouffant? Don't get your hopes up—dude won't admit to being anything but straight anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
What behavioral extremes are needed to earn a Blind Vice title? What constitutes a Blind Vice? Sex, drugs, booze, theft...what have I left off?

Dear Vicey Behavior:
Gambling, cheating, closeted affairs, orgies, abortion, contractual fornication, cross-dressing, colossal farting...I could go on forever, P.

Dear Ted:
I think I caught the cookie monster! This morning I stumbled upon a news article about Victoria's Secret model May Andersen's very explicit leaked photos. The set of photos reportedly include quite a few of her fooling around with another girl naked. So am I right? Or at least getting warmer?

Dear Close, But No:
Andersen may be doing some cookie munching herself, but she's not our Cookie Muncher. Think more mature.

Dear Ted:
Don't you think George Clooney is definitely the new Cary Grant in almost every way? I know Cary married five times and George is a sworn bachelor after one wife but otherwise, they have so much in common!

Dear Uh-No:
Sorry S, George may be A-list, but he's no Cary Grant, who cared more about drugs than politics.

Dear Ted:
I am really happy to see Glee writers give Dianna Agron a meaty story this season with messed up Quinn, especially if this is her last year. I was curious on who the "real" Dianna is. Her public appearances and interviews show a bright, bubbly, and beautiful young lady who cares deeply for her friends, fans and causes-plus, she can act! Is this just a fake image or the real deal? I'm hoping for the later as we need celebrities like her instead of the attention seeking phony ones who are always in the headlines!

Dear Quintessentially Real:
Dianna's the real deal, and that's why we love the blonde bombshell. But trust, even though she's a class act on the red carpet, Dianna's had her share of Vicey experience. Why the hell do you think she seems so relatable to everybody?

PHOTOS: Breaking Dawn: Stills to Swoon Over

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