Lindsay Lohan

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Dear Ted:
When Lindsay Lohan is let off with another slap on the wrist, can we all agree to just quit paying attention to her? This would mean no more updates about throwing drinks, nasty teeth, nastier hair and unfortunate photo spreads. All but the most sadistic are well past the point of finding "entertainment" in her downfall. If we ignore her, she will go away—and perhaps (eventually) focus on fixing her myriad problems.

Dear Glutton for Punishment:
You've got a point, doll, but I don't think Linds is going to get off as easily this time. If you peeped the live stream of her court date yesterday, the judge was letting L.L. have it. Maybe her get out of jail card has finally expired? Either way, it's sad to see the broad cuffed again. Honestly, I'm really rootin' for her.

Dear Ted:
Do you know anything on Ian Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev? I heard somewhere that their relationship was just for publicity and that he's got a lot of girls on the side? Does Nina know...or care?

Dear More Bark Than Vamp Bite:
It's not just for show, babe, tho that's a convenient cherry on top of the sexy Sunday. But as real or whatever as they claim their relaysh is, I just don't see the spark. Or any chemistry, at least when the cameras aren't rolling.

Dear Ted:
You've said Robert Pattinson is a B.V. All Star, that his Vice is delicious, that Kristen Stewart knows about it, that their relaysh is defined on their terms and totally "chill" and that should his fame evaporate he'd live his "European debauched" life happily. So am I correct that we're talking sexy goodness for Rob's Vice? And that it's not bad behavior or cheating related since you give it such positive descriptors?

Dear Nice Vice:
Oh, it's definitely sexy.

Dear Ted:
I just read a blind item on another site (you are still my No. 1!) that insinuates that Ashton Kutcher is January Jones' baby daddy! I cannot wrap my head around this one. Please help me!

Dear The Paternity Test Is Back And...
Ashton is not the father! Not that we ever thought he was, really. The daddy is someone far more obvious than random suspect Ashton Kutcher.

Dear Ted:
I was trying to get a read on Dianna Agron. She is obviously a beautiful talent whom I look forward to seeing do other acting projects. So can you describe the "real" Dianna Agron? She projects a good image toward the audience and press with her gracious demeanor and seems to be bubbly, sweet and intelligent. Is that image truthful or is she more like the Glee character she portrays? Does she have any new Blind Vices?

Dear The Dish on Di:
Well, babe, she's sweet and intelligent in real life too. I love Di and tho she's definitely made it into my Vice vault (not for anything lately though), she's a good gal. One of the best in the town, methinks.

Dear Ted:
Forget all this talk of new besties Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon. Does Angelina Jolie have any girlfriends in Hollywood? She strikes me as more of a "guy's girl," and typically comes off quite icy in public appearances. I can't recall hearing any female celeb having anything nice to say about her.

Dear Smart:
Dead silence is often much more revealing than people give it credit.

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