Katie Holmes, Tom Cruise, Suri Cruise

Uri Schanker/FilmMagic

Dear Ted:
Have the couple we love to hate (or hate to love) Tomkat and their fashionista offspring just disappeared recently? Where are all the pictures of Suri toddling along in high heels clutching her Birkin and a sippy cup? Why haven't we seen the proud daddy caught playing with her at his other children's soccer games? And lovely Katie? Shouldn't someone file a missing person report?

Dear Sound the Suri Siren:
What are you talking about, E? Suri was just out flaunting her très made-up mug the other day. And like every brave fashionista, she was making waves with her bold choices. But unlike most couples, TomKat are definitely a pair where no news (or gossip, for that matter) is good news.

Dear Ted:
Who has a bigger chance to be with Sandra Bullock, Ryan Gosling or Ryan Reynolds?

Dear Duh:
Ryan Reynolds, of course. He isn't doing daddy duty for nothing.

Dear Ted:  
Gossip Girl has been filming on the West Coast and now you drop the dime on Ed Westwick officially joining the ranks of Blind Vicers. Does that mean his B.V. moniker is recent? And does another castmember have anything to do with it?

Dear NYPD Blues:
Nope, Eddy's Vice comes from the Upper East Sider's NYC days. Actually, come to think of it, he was a Vicer before buddy Chace Crawford ever left his mark on the moniker mania. But while Ed Viced first, Chace Viced better.

Dear Ted:
Kourtney Kardashian
is my favorite of the sisters. How cute is her son, Mason? She is more under the radar than her sisters. Any Vices stashed in her fashionable closet?

Dear Mama Drama:
I'm positive of it. But none that I've made official. And remember, Kourtney's talked openly about her sexuality in the past—not a Vice-type behavior, really. Also, I'm sure she's very in the know about her sister's Vice. So now it's up to you: can you guess which sis has earned herself a moniker?

Dear Ted:
My new girl crush, Elizabeth Olsen, who I think is the new It girl of the year (and beyond!) seems really genuine in her interviews. What can you tell me about her? Am I wrong to believe, after her breakthrough movie this year, she is here to stay?

Dear The Third Olsen:
She's definitely here to stay. You don't get that kind of buzz for a few flicks and disappear forever. Well, sometimes flash-in-the-pan celebs do, but I've got a good feeling about Mary-Kate and Ashley's little sis. As for her genuineness, I think it's the real deal. She saw what her big sisters went through, so don't expect to find her snogging Kanye in a club anytime soon.

Dear Ted:
Have Chutney Jones and Saucy Bossy worked together before? Does Jerry Rock-Butt know of their hookup? Any bones you could toss me would be super appreciated!

Dear Six Degrees of Vice Separation:
Yes and yes. Chut and Saucy met on the set. And Jerry caught wind of their hookup. He just doesn't know about Saucy's nasty habits.

Dear Ted:
Ever since the True Blood finale, I've been thinking: Do you think we will ever get a real love scene between two men? They teased us a few times, but still, you'd think that Jesus and Lafayette had spent their free time curled up in their snuggies together watching reruns of The Golden Girls (not that there's anything wrong with that!). And now adorable Jesus is dead and gone, leaving Lafayette alone again. Is this something that is too taboo even on a show as daring as True Blood?

Dear Excellent Question:
Let's not lose faith in Alan Ball, who's been very homo gutsy to date. My prediction? Yes, there will be some hot action between two guys (moreso than that almost kiss between Bill and Sam) filmed in detail, maybe even some full-frontal. Only prob will betrue to Ball's previously man-on-man venturesit'll turn out to be either a dream or something some horny witch made happen in another dimension.

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