Morning Bitch-Back! Is Taylor Swift a Mini Reese Witherspoon?

Readers wonder if Jake Gyllenhaal’s exes are cut from the same cloth

By Ted Casablanca Sep 01, 2011 11:14 AMTags
Reese Witherspoon, Taylor SwiftGreg DeGuire/Picture Group via AP IMAGES

Dear Ted:
Is it any coincidence that Taylor Swift and Reese Witherspoon are now besties? Wonder if they'll share Jake Gyllenhaal stories?
—MooKinda

Dear Blonde Ambition:
Haven't you realized that nothing is a coincidence in this town, doll? Tay and Reese are totally pieces cut from the same apple pie. And they've definitely got more in common than just their hunky mutual ex-BF. (I'm sure he's come up in conversation). Let's hope sweet Tay doesn't go full Reesezilla though. My guess is no.

Dear Ted:
George Clooney
's ex is on Dancing With the Stars? Didn't he do a better job of helping his other exes find fame post-breakup? I seem to remember Lisa Snowdon in particular finding some success.
—XXOO

Dear Ex Support:
Georgey knows that Betty wants to make a big name for herself on this side of the pond. That's one of the reasons he rebounded so quickly with Stacy Keibler, so that Elisabetta would keep her distance. And DWTS isn't such a bad gig to land. At least they're telling her she's a star, no?

Dear Ted:
I was just wondering what's up with Cruella and her better half lately? The last we heard from you regarding these two, Marky was losing his cool. Is this marriage a "contract" that Marky is getting tired of, or does he actually love his sweet "ice queen" thing?
—Unicorns

Dear Until Death Do Us Part:
Love? Don't make me laugh! It's a total setup. Both sides know what they're getting out of the relaysh; Marky just wasn't expecting her to be so damn miserable to deal with. But he's not calling it quits yet—this is one fauxmance that's in for the long run.

Dear Ted:
As I was watching Full House reruns today, I couldn't help but wonder if any of the castmembers have Blind Vice monikers. Between Jodie Sweetin's admitted drug past and the Olsen twins being the Olsen twins, there's gotta be something there. Am I right?
—VDO

Dear Say Uncle:
Uncle Jesse himself, of course. But I'm sure you already knew John Stamos had a moniker. Aside from him, the show was fairly Vice free. At least by my standards. Sorry, Mary-Kate!

Dear Ted:
How does Angelina Jolie feel about Jennifer Aniston's new guy?
—Michele

Dear Opinions Are Like...
Really? Ange may not be a saint, but she's not the devil. She's got enough to deal with with Brad Pitt—she doesn't need to go after Jen's current beau. She's learned her lesson.

Dear Ted:
I have to admit, I got a good chuckle after reading a question to you by "Still Disgusted!" complaining about someone who "ruined every board posting the same crap over and over." I guess now she knows how the rest of us feel about the Twi-hards who have done that very thing for years. Karma's a bitch, ain't it?
—h

Dear Karma Chameleon:
Good point, h.