Jennifer Lawrence

Humberto Carreno/

Dear Ted:
This is my third email about this, and I'm sure you're getting as tired of seeing me here as I am writing this, but really, Ted. Another board ruined by this Jennifer Lawrence poster? Really? All week long she has ruined every board posting the same crap over and over. I'm sure you don't want to chase off other good posters who want to have a civilized discussion about your topics. Please do something to block this poster. Everyone is complaining about it.
—Still disgusted!

Dear Board Burden:
Can't you all just play nice? Is that too much to ask? But I hear your cry, doll, and I agree that gajillions of the same comments are très annoying, so I'm taking matters into my own hands on this one. I'll keep an eye on the boards for spammers (and violent vile, of course) but let's all act like adults so we don't have to deal with these stupid issues again, no?

Dear Ted:
Holy Lost pandemonium! I know you've sad that one of the Island's alums has a Vice, but could it be that Matthew Fox is insane? The story that he drunkenly assaulted that woman came out and I can't help but think it might have something to do with a Blind Vice. Tell me I'm right!
—Kevin A.

Dear Island Fever:
You're right, Kev...well kinda. Matthew is one of our Lostie Vicers, but it's got nothing to do with violence. At least that's good to know, right?

Dear Ted:
With all the talk about Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith's marital status, why hasn't good friend come to their defense? I remember early on in the Cruise marriage, Jada would always be quick to jump in and defend Katie Holmes to the press. Are these Hollywood wives still friendly?
—Dan in Chicago

Dear TomKat Tattle Tale:
Here's the difference, Dan: Katie needed Jada's help fighting the tabloid talk, while Jada knows she can handle it best herself. And she's actually being fairly smart about the whole thing by giving her (admittedly weird) statement and then shutting up. People will forget about it soon.

Dear Ted:
Does Jackie Bouffant have an STD? If not do you think he is likely to get one?

Dear Crotch Critters:
Not unless he hops in bed with Crescent Kumquat, which isn't exactly the craziest idea ever. But as off now, as far as I'm concerned, Jack has a clean bill of health when it comes to his sex life. Not that he's getting much these days anyway.

Dear Ted:
What is happening in Alan Ball's mind? How can he possibly have Sookie go back to Bill? Does he have some contractual issues with Stephen Moyer that he has to be reunited with his wife, Anna Paquin? I know these shows can't possibly follow the books verbatim, but please, Sookie has feelings for Bill (he was her first), but she loves Eric. I really fear for the longevity of the show if it continues to go so far off course.

Dear On the Ball:
Eric and Sookie are hardly over, T. Alan just loved messing with his viewers, and he knows getting Team Eric and Team Bill riled up by Sookie's ever-roaming heart will do just that. Trust, it has more to do with that than any offscreen biz.

Dear Ted:
Are Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds getting hitched?

Dear Yeah:
And I'm officiating.

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